Hold on for the Ride

Part Eighteen

        Once we got home I decided it was finally time to call Raya and talk, I needed to talk to her peppy self. I dialed in her number and pressed call after feeling a wave of anxiety.

            "Rose! How are ya? Do you need me too come over?"

            "Hey Raya, I'm just fine, thanks though."

            "Okay, good, good! What are you up to girl?"

            "Oh just sitting here in um, my new room?" I said kind of unsure of myself.

            "New room?"

            "I'm um, living with the Terry's." Way too blunt.

            "Wait like Ryan? What! Why didn't you tell me?" My ear was already hurting from the screaming of excitement.

            "And I also didn't tell you, we're dating..."

            She screamed so loudly, and then insisted that we hang out and talk all about it over coffee next weekend. I was truly enjoying myself, I really missed Raya. Ever since the shooting, I had pretty much ignored everyone in my life. It just felt better that way, if I couldn't escape myself, why would I want to trap anyone else inside with me. But it seemed that Ryan wanted in, he wanted to know all about my problems. After I hung up with Raya who was practically in tears of excitement, I laid in bed and shut off my lamp. Once I closed my eyes and said my prayers, I fell asleep.

            "You better run!"

            I was sprinting as fast as possible, my legs literally could not go any faster. The sweat was dripping off of me, yet the man came closer and closer. He had his machine gun in hand and I was just waiting to feel the shot hit my back. I couldn't speed up, and I was all alone. That was my biggest fear, no one was there with me. I tripped and fell to the ground, scraping my knee. Why was I so clumsy? There was no point in getting up, I was a goner. The man came over top of me, his whole face was hidden by a mask except for his eyes. I felt them beat down on me like I was a meal. He pulled up his gun and pointed it right to my heart.

            Then my eyes shot open, I was breathing so loudly and I literally was soaked in sweat. It was gross. I didn't want to wake anyone up, but I still felt my heart beating in my ears and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I didn't want my dreams to come true, I didn't want to be alone. I padded over to Ryan's door and slightly knocked on the door, being so careful to not wake anyone else up. He ran to the door and must have seen the worry in my eyes immediately.

            "Awe Rose, what's wrong baby?"

            I cried, "Ryan, I was running and-" the words weren't coming out, "and I couldn't run fast enough. He was coming for me with his gun," my voice squeaked, "and I almost got shot."

            "Awe baby, come here." He engulfed me into a sweet, calming hug.

            It wasn't working, my heart wouldn't stop racing, I was still shaking, and every time I closed my eyes I saw the bullet coming towards me. I think this was what a panic attack felt like. My breaths continued to shorten, I felt myself sit down in the hallway, and I didn't want to get up. Ryan picked me up and carried me over to his bed.

            "Rose, come here. It's okay, calm down. I'm here. It's okay. What can I do? How can I help?"

            I shook my head and lifted up my hands to cover my wet eyes.

            "Ryan I just can't do it anymore, I can't be strong anymore. I'm done."

            "Rose you don't need to be strong. Just calm down first and we can talk okay."

            "I can't, my heart won't stop racing and I can't think straight. Please help."

            He laid me down onto his bed and held my hand, knowing that this comforted me the most. Then he rubbed my forehead with his palm and worked his way down to my shoulder. I was already calming down. I rested my hand on my stomach and allowed the rise and fall of my breaths put me to sleep.