Hold on for the Ride

Part Nineteen

I woke up, still in Ryan's bed, with a wet wash cloth on my head and some water sitting on the nightstand. Ryan must have been in the bathroom because I could hear the sink running.

"Ry?"

"Rose you're up," he said while running out of the bathroom, "you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry about last night. I really didn't want to wake you up but-"

"No, it's okay! You needed me! And just so you're not creeped out, I didn't sleep in my bed with you."

"Wait, then where did you sleep?"

"The floor of course, I couldn't just leave you in here alone."

"Awe, I'm sorry Ryan. I'm so sorry."

He came over to me once again giving me a hug and telling me to stop apologizing. On Monday, Ryan drove us to school and we jammed once again, music was definitely our escape. Every class went by so slowly, but as soon as they were finished it seemed like they went fast. Each teacher made sure to give their condolences after class which only made things more real for me. They mentioned something about the article in the obituary which I still refused to look at and promised to be that 'person I could talk to when I was feeling down'. Get in line, because apparently now everyone wanted to talk to me. I only went to the bathroom twice to cry that day, not too bad if you ask me. Ryan and I sat together at the lunch table, along with Raya, who continually raised her eyebrows at me because she was so happy for Ryan and I. Her and I hadn't talked much about my parents, she had never really done well with tragedy. I was kind of glad though, she was the only one who didn't want to talk about things. I knew this was just avoiding the problem, but it just felt so good, so normal, so full, as compared to the emptiness I was feeling and Ryan so easily recognized.

My parents had always said they never wanted a funeral, and I wanted to keep it that way. They were cremated the Wednesday after the shooting and there's not much to say about that. I cried, actually everyone cried, and a small gravestone was put into place which lies above the box of their ashes. I hadn't had the courage to visit their gravestone since that day, not until today.

Today, on the day of my wedding, I am going to visit that gravestone. Ryan has insisted on asking my dad's permission to marry me, even though I've explained to him a million times that my dad literally loved him.

"Hun, it's already five after, I thought we were leaving at eight?" Ryan says down the hallway.

"Alright, I'm ready." I reply, walking out of the bathroom.

We drive down to the cemetery and pull into a spot right by their gravestone.

"Are you sure you're ready for this Rose?"

I nod and we walk up to the semi-wet grass. Ryan pulls out a pair of roses, winking at me, and sets them on their grave.

"So, um, Sir, I know it's a little late to ask now, but I'm asking permission to marry your beautiful daughter Rosalie," he smiles, pauses, and then continues, "and I know you would say yes because Rose says you loved me. That's pretty amazing to hear because your word literally means everything to me. I know you and your wife deserved nothing close to what happened to you, but all of us here know God works in mysterious ways. He's allowed suffering, only to build us up. So today, on the most splendid day of our lives we come to say hello, never goodbye. I'm glad we could share it with you, the best couple we know."

I step forward, "Mom, dad... hey. I'm sorry I don't visit here enough. I have missed you way too much, but I know that someday Ryan and I will be joining you in Heaven. I am so happy to say that Ryan and I are getting married and I really wish you were here for it, but God has some different plans, some better ones. I wish you were here to walk me down the aisle dad," I sniffle, "but I'll be walking streets of gold with you sometime in glory so that's totally okay. Times have been hard, but I finally feel like I can come to terms with my life and what has happened in it. The road has been super bumpy, but guess what! I've held on for the ride."