Clearing

Chapter 18

I slowly wandered back to my room. Everything was cleaned up in the hall, and I had tried my hardest to make sure it was up to Levi's standards. If I could help it, I really didn't want to spend any more time with Jean. I'd honestly rather clean the whole castle by myself. Even as I reached the corridor I was holding back tears, and I hated it. I hated the amount of control that idiot had over me.

I pushed open the door to my room slowly so I wouldn't wake up Mikasa, but she was still awake anyway, sitting in her bed with a candle on her table and a book on her lap.

"You're back." she greeted me, closing the book and placing it next to her. "How was it?"

I sighed, pushing the door closed behind me and sinking onto her bed. I couldn't bring myself to reply so I resorted to simply shaking my head, pressing my lips together to stop them from trembling.

"I guessed it would be rough. I'm sorry." she wrapped an arm around my shoulder, rubbing circles into my skin. She glanced at my face and caught the tears in my eyes, and I felt the concern take over. "Hey, are you ok?"

I looked up at her, and the concern in her eyes made the dam break. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around her, a few tears spilling down my cheeks.

I knew it was an overreaction, but I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

"Oh, sweetie. It's ok." She comforted me, wrapping me in a tight hug. "You're way too good for him anyway, right? If you want I can go and rip off his dick and turn it into a Christmas ornament."

I laughed tearfully. "It'd make a really ugly bauble." I wiped at my face again and breathed deeply to calm myself down. "Sorry for blubbering at you. It's been building up for a while."

"Don't worry about it. I'm here whenever you need me." She smiled gently, and I smiled back. "Seriously though, what happened?"

"We talked a little, and then there was this really tense moment when we were packing up, and he kissed me." My smile faded again as I recalled what happened. "And I thought it meant something different. It felt different, to me anyway. But then he pulled off me and practically sprinted out of the room." I laughed shakily and looked up at Mikasa again.

"Damn." Her smile was replaced with a look of sympathy. "It looks like he's got some intense inner conflict going on. He's got to figure shit out soon, I don't even think he knows how much this is affecting you."

"I don't know." I sighed, leaning further into her. "But I think I need to stop thinking about him for a while. The only problem is that I have no idea how to do that."

"I can kill him for you." Mikasa said, her face utterly sincere.

"Mikasa!" I yelped. "That's murder. We aren't going to commit crimes. If anything, Levi would probably kill us too."

She didn't respond, and I lifted my head to stare at her.

"Mikasa?"

After a while she nodded reluctantly. "Fine. Anyway, we need some sort of petty revenge plan."

"Really, Mikasa?" I laughed a little, wiping at my cheeks with my sleeve and sniffling. "Like what?"

She grinned.

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The next morning, I fidgeted a little nervously in my seat at breakfast. Mikasa had woken me up ridiculously early to 'prepare' me for her plan, once again applying her makeup to my skin and styling my hair the way that Sasha had taught her.

Now, here we were, sat in the dining hall a few minutes before anyone else would arrive, so that Mikasa could give me a pep talk. I, of course, had no say in this.