Always and forever

16 - Calmly

Sanem

I turn to look at him and our gazes remain locked for endless moments, I seem to catch a glimpse of something in his, I try to convey all the love I feel for him who is the one and only one in my life.

The breeze coming in from the sea brings my hair to my face, I see him reach out a hand to part it like he has done a million times before, he brings the unruly lock behind his ear and then unexpectedly rests a hand on my cheek. I can't help but tilt my head at his touch and close my eyes sighing, it seems like an eternity since I felt his warmth, his closeness.

I open them again to sink into those hazel eyes that I love so much and are looking at me tenderly right now.

- Sanem, I'm hurting you so much, özür dilerim, I apologise, I'm really sorry.

I'm beginning to understand what kind of feeling bound us together, it can't be easy for you right now, it was a powerful love and now I understand that it's difficult to live through such an absurd situation -

This time it is me who brings my hand to his cheek, oh, how I have missed stroking his beard! I've been doing it continuously for the past month, it's been hard not being able to do it these days since he woke up not knowing who I am.

- Can, don't talk to the past about our love, for me it's present more than ever, nothing will change that, nothing, you will always be the other half of heaven for me Can, even if you should decide you don't want me in your life anymore -

Just thinking about that possibility tears me up deep inside, I can't think of a life without him by my side after believing that we had finally found each other again and never left each other.

He keeps looking at me tenderly, he smiles and I smile back with all my heart, it's something, it's slowly melting, I hope it's the beginning of something. We had everything but now I'm willing to settle for something, a caress, a smile, a look, everything is an achievement.

This moment of closeness is interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the pier's planking, we both lower our hands, which were still on each other's cheeks, we turn to see who's coming and we're both stunned in front of a Huma who, walking unsteadily on her usual stiletto heels, is charging towards us.

- Caaan, why didn't anyone tell me you were getting out of the hospital? I would have come to pick you up, you could have come home with me, I would have taken care of you-.

I see Can stiffen and take a breath as if to regain his composure before getting up and facing his mother.

- Huma, there was no need for you to come, I'm fine thanks -

- But Can, what's the point of staying here now that you don't even remember who this girl is, you can stay with me for a while,  we then can find an  accommodation in the centre of Istanbul for you, what do you think? -

I can't believe what I'm hearing, Huma is trying to come between us again, she wants to take advantage of Can's amnesia to divide us once more.

Instinctively I take Can's hand, I avoid looking towards him because I don't know how he will react to this gesture of mine.

- Huma, we thank you but Can is fine where he is, I am here, his father and Mihriban are there to help him in case of need, don't worry -

- Ah that woman of course, who is that woman to my son? I am his mother, I am the one who has to take care of him -

I'm about to counter when Can's grip on my hand stops me, he's the one speaking.

- Huma considering you weren't able to take care of me at all when I was little I guess there's no need for you now that I'm big and tall.

Teşekkür ederim, thank you, but I don't need anything, not from you anyway, görüşürüz, see you -

Having said this he takes me away by the hand, as we pass by Huma I see her raise her chin in that contemptuous way that she has always reserved for me, it no longer has any effect on me. I let him calm down a bit, his mother always manages to make him particularly nervous, only once we've taken the tree-lined avenue leading to the estate do I try to tell him:

- I've never heard you talk like that to your mother, maybe with time your relationship had improved, I don't know -

- Sanem, I can assure you that if they had improved, it was only a matter of politeness and civility, she was never a mother to me and I can never consider her as such, tamam?

- Of course, it's none of my business, it was out of honesty that I wanted to tell you, I certainly don't have a soft spot for Ms Huma as she doesn't have a spot for me, as you could see she never accepted the fact that you could deal with someone like me -

- My mother can say whatever she wants, she won't decide who I should or shouldn't see, that's for sure.

At the gate of the estate we're still hand in hand, I don't know if he's realised it or if he's too caught up in his own thoughts, I can't say I mind, having arrived in front of the driveway leading to his outbuilding I stop, we still face each other hand in hand.

- Can, you need to get some rest you know the physiotherapist will be here at 6pm, don't ask too much of your body and mind -

Saying this I place my index finger on his forehead.

- Take it easy Can, fretting too much could be counterproductive for your amnesia, stress is never good for you, if you need anything you know where to find me tamam?

He surprises me by bringing my hand to his lips.

-Teşekkür ederim, thank you Sanem for all the patience you have with me, I can only say thank you. I promise I will do everything to resolve this situation, I know it must be terrible for you to face, I will do everything in my power to try to remember, söz I promise-

- Teşekkür ederim, thank you, I keep telling you that you don't have to make an effort, let things come by themselves, don't fret, I have faith that everything will work out you'll see- I hesitantly let go of his hand.

- I'm going then görüşürüz see you-.

I start towards home, after a few steps I turn around and find him still standing in the same place staring at me, I raise a hand in greeting and smile, my heart seems to be lighter, I begin to see some encouraging signs from him, I don't want to say that he's falling in love again, but I think he feels our bond. I cross my fingers and bring my hand to that ring that has become my talisman since I started wearing it tied around my neck resting on my heart.
It's exactly where he is, it gives me hope and strength, sakin ol, stay calm Sanem one step at a time and everything can change again, you just have to believe.