Always and forever

57 - Goodbye

Can

Things are going in the right direction, after the trip to the aquarium our relationship has started to be more relaxed and complicit. We're getting to know each other again and I must admit that I'm enjoying what I'm discovering more and more, Sanem is a company that is never banal or boring, his energy is contagious and it's wonderful to discover the world through his always amazed eyes.

We're getting so close, battle after battle I seem to be gaining ground and tonight I would like to talk to her about the trip to California, I'm thinking about how best to deal with it while I'm preparing something for dinner when I hear the phone ring, I dry my hands quickly to answer it. I am amazed - Polen? -

-Hello Can, how are you? I heard from your mother that you went back to England and I would like to talk to you if you don't mind, I'm sorry for the way we left each other last time.
Would you like to meet? -

I sigh, I thought I was pretty clear last time - Polen, there's nothing to say, everyone has moved on with their lives and that's fine, I had already moved on two years ago and now I've done it again. I am sorry, but I truly believe that you and I have nothing in common anymore, it is useless to insist.
I wish you all the best Polen, please don't call me anymore, hoşçakal, goodbye -

- But Can..-

- No buts Polen, please don't look for me anymore -

I hang up angry at the thought that my mother is still surreptitiously following my every move and then reporting it to Polen, but she never gives up? Still trying to interfere in my life and my relationship with Sanem?

I finish preparing dinner, I bring it to the table and she still hasn't emerged from her room, I try to call her but she doesn't answer, I look out of the window overlooking the beach and find her there looking at the waves thoughtfully.

I go out into the garden and call her, I see her coming back home with her dress and hair waving in the wind, it's a vision, she's beautiful. I smile and offer her my hand to lean on while she puts on the shoes she took off to go to the beach. She accepts the help but doesn't look up at me, it seems strange to me, our relationship has improved a lot these days.

We enter the house in a bizarre silence, I look at her questioningly as she sits down at the table.

- Sanem everything alright? -

- Yes, yes everything's fine. I'm just a bit tired sorry, I don't think I'm good company tonight -

She plays with the food on her plate without taking a single bite, there's definitely something wrong, she's not the relaxed and sunny Sanem I've come to know over the last few days, in the end she's the one talking.

- Tomorrow I have something to do, I have to go and return several volumes that I borrowed from the library and finish doing some research on the history of Plymouth for my book. I will then have to go and pay the rent of the cottage as I will be leaving it the day after tomorrow -

So there we are, we've got to the departure speech, that's what's upsetting her, I'm about to speak when once again she does.

- Evan has offered to drive me to London airport the day after tomorrow morning, as he has to go there to run some errands, so I think it's better if we say goodbye tonight and you come back tomorrow. I guess you'll be busy in London and at the publishing house for your report and, as I said, I'll be out all day tomorrow -

- Sanem? I don't understand, what's going on? Can we talk for a moment please? -

-Can, I honestly feel so tired, I'd like to go to sleep now if you don't mind -

She gets up and makes her way to the door of her room, I take her by the arm and hold her tightly to my chest as I whisper to her.

-What are you doing Sanem? Why are you cutting me out of your life so suddenly? I told you that I'm not going to let you go -

- But I have to go Can, just like you couldn't back out because you made a commitment for your reportage in Venezuela, now I can't back out of my word to Kerem, I can't and I don't want to.
Let each one take his own way Can, it is better this way, sign those documents and close this story, that promise could have been the beginning of everything and instead it turned out to have no meaning for the Can you are now. I wish you a lot of luck, hoşçakal, goodbye -

He stands up on his tiptoes, places a light kiss on my cheek and closes the door to his room behind him.

I sit on the edge of the sofa stunned, how did this happen? A few hours before we were in the car happy to have spent a beautiful day together and now he says goodbye? Why? What happened?

She's scared, I can feel it, she doesn't believe in us yet, she doesn't believe in me....