𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 ✰ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒

EPILOGUE.

SEVENTEEN.

17. i lost the the one person who made me feel something other than pain, regret and sadness. my brother was a victim of an attack causing our best friend to kill the soc out of self defense. 

16. i had my first kiss, my first time, and learned that the accident wasn't my fault.         i got back my happiness, and learned how          deal with my feelings. my brother sodapop      dropped out of school to help pay the bills, we're falling a little behind on everything and i've contemplated getting a job to help too. darry refuses to let me  

15. i lost my parents. the only two caregivers i had ever known. my brother darry took us all in after dropping out of college and now works day and night to keep a roof under us. guilt and pain knawed at my mental health, bringing it down brick by brick. i also got my first ever boyfriend. 

14. i got jumped walking home from school and was beat up pretty badly. dallas went and gave what they deserved though. 

13.     

12. i got my first ever period and my brother darrel taught me how to defend myself if i ever got in trouble with the "soc's" 

11.     

10. my brother is now one of the big guys in his school, and i go to everyone of his football games. he's a pretty good linemen. 

9.   

8.   

7.  i got pushed around on the playground today by a boy named john. he lives on the south side and my mother taught me that not everyone was nice and they weren't going to all be my friend. i asked why and she said "it's just the way things are." 

6.     

5. i broke my arm and now it is wrapped in something funny. but my older brother darry carries me everywhere.  

4.    

3. i have a little brother! his name is ponyboy and he seems pretty cool. maybe when he gets older he'll come hang out with me and i'll teach him anything he needs to know.

2. i've gotten the nickname 'finny' from my family and it makes me laugh anytime they call me it. darry chases me around the yard in the valley, trying to just make sure i don't fall. 

1.   

0.    

i wonder when my mother was pregnant with me and my brother that my father thought we'd be the best kids in the word.

id take after my mother and sodapop would take after our father, or maybe we'd make better lives for ourselves. but right now, all i want to do is plunge into this water and sink to the bottom, never coming up. 

i can always tell myself that you're fine, and you're okay, but it is hard to believe it when you are absolutely swallowing in guilt, and drowning in pain. 

maybe one day i'll make my mother proud, but right now, i'm not even proud of myself.