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LOOKING STRAIGHT AHEAD WITH HER TIRED EYES AND TIRED MIND.
finley could see her breath as she stood where she was that fateful night.
she distinctly could still hear the gunshots, and dallas crumpling to the ground.
the air was cold, and the november air nipped at her skin as she continued to be in a trance.
she could remember his sweet disposition, only one she would see when nobody else was around.
she missed him more than she led on, and could finally feel the pain of loosing him.
"you okay?"she looked over at sodapop whom had made his way over to finley, who nodded.
her chapped lips blew out the cold air, with dallas's jacket hugged around her.
"i'm okay."she whispered, and looked down at her boots, "it just all comes back at once yknow?"
"i know."sodapop wrapped his arm around his younger sisters shoulders, bringing her closer to him.
the november air always made it feel like home somehow, but it didn't this time.
this time, it made her feel louring. she couldn't comprehend dallas's death wish, and to have to deal with the loss of the four people shes ever known.
that heavy feeling of grief that she first felt when her parents had first died, was back, and she knew everyone else was hurting so she had tucked it down and hid it from everyone except for dallas winston.
once dallas winston died, her state of mind and happiness died with him.
she had pushed everything like she did last time knowing her younger brother needed her for his own grief.
but there were days like today where she wanted to scream until her voice broke, she wanted to cry until there were no more tears left and she wanted someone to be with her.
but she knew pony was hurting, and so was everyone else so she pushed it down and kept it to herself.
walking back into the curtis house it didn't feel the same.
no johnny to give her a soft smile, no dallas to drag her upstairs and show her some affection that nobody else would see.
"god damn wren you are frozen. sit down." darry ushered her over to the dining room table as pony came downstairs.
"i have to do my homework." she went upstairs, grabbing all of her things before bringing them back downstairs.
she could focus on the work the was overdue, all she could think about was dallas.
"did you have a good day at school?"darry asked both finley and ponyboy, and they both nodded, with finley not having the heart or energy to tell him she didn't go and went to see their parents, johnny and dally.
she let her head dip down and had her hands in her hair, frustrated she couldn't focus on her work.
"i'm going to bed."her voice was hoarse as she got up, grabbing her things.
"what about dinner?"pony asked, and finley forced a smile, looking at her younger brother.
"i'm not that hungry tonight pone," she explained and he nodded, before going upstairs and changing into comfy clothes.
she had looked over to her bedside table, with her eyes catching a photo of her and dallas.
her soft fingers gently grabbed ahold of the picture frame, pulling it towards her.
her emerald eyes scanned dallas's features, noticing the smile she had only seen.
his christopher was around her neck, but he had his signature jacket wrapped around him.
she knew that loosing dallas meant she had lost herself.
dallas was the one that had brought back the loving, bubbly, caring finley wren that everyone knew.
but now, she had lost herself and didn't know if that would ever be found.
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( ASHLEYS TAKEAWAYS! )
i like how this book is going so far, and this is how i'm currently releasing my emotions about what i'm feeling y'know?
