A Broken Mind: Cherik

One

"I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

Charles Xavier sighed heavily and closed The Great Gatsby, not enjoying how much that line seemed to align with his own life. His own past was dark and yet light, along with the fact that this world- the world he had once loved- had made him realize just how much of a fool that he was...

What was the reason that made him a fool? Well, he supposed there were several factors in the answer to that question. One being Erik. Erik Lehnsherr.

Heartbreaker. Betrayer. Liar.

The bitter words rolled up the professor's throat like a fat snake, hissing and coiling inside of him, ready to pounce. But he swallowed the pain and grief back down, not wanting to taste bile. It was hard enough to be a cripple now, thanks to his "old friend".

How long had it been since Erik had abandoned him now, taking Raven and most of his precious friends with him...? It might have seemed more sensible that Charles would forget the time that he had spent without them, but he knew better than to let any hour slip by without those smiling faces.

Perhaps a few months... It has been aboot five months now, yes. Five months, two weeks, three days.

But why bother remembering when he could be teaching and molding the sacred minds of young mutants? Well, he was continuing to raise the school he had created, but it was merely a distraction now. The student's company did help somewhat, and of course Hank was always there for him, helping him around since he wasn't exactly as mobile anymore...

Charles chewed on his bottom lip, having let that become a habit, but he didn't notice that he kept doing it anymore. His lip was swollen slightly from teeth constantly gnashing at the delicate skin, heat boiling from the marks left behind.

As he wheeled himself out of his study and down the hallway to head for his room, he was suddenly cut off by Hank McCoy, who looked apologetic as he made the professor come to a halt momentarily.

"Yes, Hank? What is it this time? Did one of the students get their head stuck in the dryer again? I will have that bloody machine removed if it's anything to do with-"

"Charles- Charles no, that's not it at all!" Hank quickly cut him off, making Xavier incredulous but he was silenced.

"Look, there's been some complaints coming from parents of the students. With all these government officials coming by constantly to make sure that we're being responsible with teaching and not doing anything funny, they're getting nervous. Some are asking to have the school shut down, and-"

"-And they can make a formal request to me myself if they wish me to close down the one thing that I have now," Charles interrupted, steering his high-tech wheelchair past Hank and started for his room again. He spent most evenings locked up in there now, not wanting anyone to interrupt. It was more of a meditation session, candles being lit and such, but he would just lay in bed and pray that he would be able to sleep that night with so many voices in his head. Well, that was a lie. It was usually only one. "Goodnight, Hank."

"Charles, it's only four in the-"

The door clicked shut and finally closed Charles off from the world, making him sigh deeply and lean his head back in his chair for a moment, closing his eyes. What a day... A day just like the one before, and the one before that, and so on. But even so, every day just seemed to exhaust the professor.

Why did Erik have to destroy something so beautiful? He had picked up a stone and smashed the dove that had been innocently perched on his shoulder, cooing abrasively if ever there was danger. But now nothing was there to protect him or guide him- he was alone somewhere out there in this world, walking the same ground as Xavier, but lost. Erik was lost and he didn't know that.

Charles was no longer desperate to keep an eye on him or try to find that mind. He never wished to see into that calculating and twisted mind, ever again. Well, no matter. Erik usually wore his helmet so it wasn't like Charles could find him as easily anymore, and why would he ever need to? He had made it quite clear that their paths had diverged and would never cross again...

The professor parked his seat next to the side of his mattress and then turned his torso so that he could place his hands on the covers and hoist himself up. He had gotten quite used to this routine so he no longer needed Hank's help in situating himself in bed, but sometimes it proved more difficult. Charles managed to pull himself up and onto the bed before dragging his way to his pillows, his legs numb and dead as ever. When he made it to where he would lay, he collapsed exhaustively and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply the relaxing scent of the candles that he had lit.

He was so young and yet he already felt that his life was over.

Charles rolled onto his side and opened his eyes partially, his mind coaxing a strand of painful memories to the center of his consciousness.

"Those eyes of yours, they're very bright. You could be made of glass and even then I could feel the transparent gateways penetrating my soul. You're very lucky to have such luscious eyes, Charles. So deep and blue. You must be quite pure to be only comparable to an angel."

"Such a poetic man, but I never quite believed that the eyes were any sort of "gateway" to anything. It's the mind that I can see clearest and even then, the soul can be quite clouded."

"Perhaps, but how many people do you hear complimenting your brilliant mind? It's not as if we can all see into each other's heads. The only vision we can perceive of the inside is the things that we notice first, the eyes. Some say it's the smile that we notice, but I choose to read before I open the book. I want to know the title, the author, the history. I suppose I could always just read the summary on the back, but what a bore this life would be if we always cheated. Cheated like you."

Eyes clashed.

"I suppose that you have a point, but what if I didn't need to know a person to be interested? I didn't know you very well when we first met, but you seemed lost and lonely. Was I supposed to read you before I helped you get back onto your feet? You may be correct, but being correct isn't always right."

Body postures shift comfortably.

"I don't want to be right. I want to show others that there is no true right in this world... Especially you, Charles. I want you to be the first that realizes that you cannot love the world. You can only respect it, or fear it. And it's not always your choice to control which of the two that the world chooses for you. You're just naive, always living the glamorous life between the four walls of this house. You wouldn't know a thing about the real world like I do."

A heartbeat.

"Well then, I suppose that you would like to show me what the world can be like to a naive man, now wouldn't you? My ignorance must drive you mad."

A dry chuckle.

"Perhaps someday I will, but by all means, keep dreaming, Charles."