𝑀𝑦 𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐷𝑜𝑙𝑙

Ch. 5

A year before

Recommended song for chapter: You don't own me (Leslie Gore)

•••

I closed my heavy eyes. Just five minutes. I wanted to stay here for a while, listening to the spun record. I didn't sleep much last night, I'm not really sure why. I sat on a comfortable chair at Clyde's house. We had been dating for about a year now. He was my first boyfriend. He and his family was currently at work but they always tell me I'm welcome here.

I wasn't sure how long that five minute nap was because it certainly wasn't five minutes. I shot my eyes open and immediately looked for the clock on the wall. It was 5 in the afternoon! Clyde would be back home any minute now. I finally remembered what he had told me before he left ("I want to come home from work with dinner on the table.") I had absolutely no time.

I ran to the kitchen, but by the time I was already half way down the staircase, I heard the front door open. It was Clyde. Worry filled my senses. There was no fixing what I messed up. I smoothed the wrinkles from my dress and pinched my cheeks. With knitted brows, I walked over to him with shame. "Hello Clyde." He kissed my cheek. He was already loosening his tie.

"I'm starving Darlene. What did you make for-" He paused. He stood in front of the empty dining table. No food in sight. I could see his ears redden with anger.

I immediately put my hand on his shoulder. "Clyde I am so, so sorry. I was extremely tired and I thought I could have just a five minute nap but I lost track of time. I had no time to prepare di-" He strikes my right cheek. My head whips the side, my palm hovering over the stinging spot where he hit.

"How could you be more tired than me. That's ridiculous! When I tell you to have dinner ready, I expect it on the table when I get home," he yells. "God, Darlene, you couldn't possibly be worse." My eyes flooded with tears. The hurtful words with the hit wasn't a good mix. "And now you're going to cry? You certainly don't deserve to." He stepped away from me, relaxing his temper. He sat at the head of the table where he buried his face in his palm to which he runs his fingers back through his hair.

He looked up at me through his eyebrows. "You must think I don't love you. Truth is, I'm doing this because I do." He pulled out the chair beside him with his foot, directing me to sit. I was hesitant at first. But I had to, I didn't want to make him more angry. So slowly, I sat down. he grabbed my hand and massaged it between his. "Come on Darlene, please look at me. You're gonna ruin your makeup if you keep crying." With my free hand, I wiped the tears.

"I'm so sorry Clyde," I said in almost a whisper.

"Then kiss me." I didn't want to. I really didn't. But when he got aggressive like this, he always wants extra affection. Even if he said I didn't deserve his. So I kissed him, I kissed him with hate and fear.

•••

It was always like this. One minute he was aggressive, the next he was loving. And when he hit me, he always said it was for my own good. Nothing like good ol' discipline. I knew this wasn't love. But how could I know. He was my first ever boyfriend. I didn't know what love is. I didn't have good examples of it in my life. So I dealt with it for a couple more months. But that wasn't until I finally broke up with him. I couldn't stand him anymore. People started to notice the bruises on my arms and my redden cheeks, and in the end, I always defended him. I told them that I fell, or the heat was getting to me.

It was getting exhausting defending him every time. So I let him go.