Set Me Free// L. Staley

17. Graveyard

Hey guys! This chapter is a bit lengthy, so I apologize in advance. I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless! I worked hard on it, and I like the pacing of it.

That's all! Please, enjoy!
_____________________

"Rowan, it's time to get up," Luna whispered, her fingers gently combing through Rowan's bedhead.

Even though Rowan was half-asleep, she knew what was going on immediately. The intrusive thoughts of Emerson struck her quickly, knocking the air from her lungs. Unfortunately, her mind continued to race as her body entered a half-awake, half-asleep state, not bothering to move as Luna brushed through Rowan's curls gently.

Rowan dreaded the exact second Luna was supposed to get her up, not wanting to face the day she felt she had created. Her concern of fault made her stomach knot up, the guilt slowly crawling its way out of her body.

Ultimately, she had to face her demons; she had to face what she created.

Rowan opened her eyes unhurriedly, looking up at Luna wearily. 

"I'm not ready," Rowan whispered, her voice coarse from sleeping.

Luna removed her hand from Rowan's hair, frowning as she pulled away. "I know, Ro. Neither am I."

With that, Rowan sat up, her joints and back popping as she did so. She held her face in her hands, sighing heavily before peaking over at Luna.

"Are the kids up?" Rowan asked, rubbing her eyes.

Luna shook her head. "No, but I'm about to get them up. I wanted to give them a few more minutes."

Rowan nodded her head wordlessly, yawning as she stretched her arms above her head.

"I was thinkin' we could pick up something for breakfast? I don't really feel like making anything. You know, I don't have too much motivation to do it..."

"You don't have to explain why," Rowan began, frowning as she held the blanket in her hands. 

"I'm sorry," Luna apologized, taking a small step towards Rowan. "It...It isn't your fault, Rowan-"

Rowan shook her head, looking up at Luna in objection. "You know how I feel about it."

Luna put her hands on her hips, deflation clear in her posture. "You can't bottle this up forever. I know that you don't want to talk about it, I know, but it's been five years...When are you going to open up? I worry about you keepin' all of this to yourself."

"It's just...hard to talk about it," Rowan sighed, tossing the blanket off her legs. "I mean, I can't even think about it without feeling sick to my stomach."

"That's why I think talking about it would help," Luna replied knowingly. "I want you to be able to talk about Emerson in a good way, not a bad way. He was amazing, and you know that. He wouldn't want you to think of him as the way he died."

Rowan shuddered, wrapping her arms around her torso at the sound of his name. No matter how Rowan felt, she would never shake the guilt that fogged her mind, her heart. Luna was right to be concerned by Rowan's silence because the guilt festered within her, filling her with pain and misery. 

If only she had done something different to change the ways things turned out. If she hadn't given Emerson any of that money, he could potentially still be alive. If he were alive, they would still have family Christmas. If he were still alive, Rowan wouldn't have crumbled into an anxious mess. If he were still alive, Adeline and Toby would know their uncle through memories, not stories. They would have an uncle, a brother, or perhaps, even a father if he found that piece of happiness.