When Skies are Gray

Not How This Day Should Have Gone.

The next morning I woke up without James next to me. I got up and dressed and made my way out of the room hoping to find him somewhere. After walking around a bit I found an office with the name "Tony Stark" on the door. I haven't been here in so long I don't even know what he had in this office.
When I opened the door the first thing I see is his fancy desk that he's had forever. With a very high tech looking computer on it. When I look around the room I see a bunch of photos on the walls. A few of him in his first iron man suit, he looked so proud of himself, and a bunch of him and my mom. They were so happy.
I saw photos of me on the wall too. Photos I don't think I've seen before. He must've wanted these to himself. He had my graduation photos on his desk. With a sticky note on my college graduate photo that read, "my daughter beautiful and almost as smart as me." Even when he's gone he still makes me smile.
"Y/n?" I hear and turn to see Steve standing in the doorway.
"Oh hey! Uh I was looking for James and I found my dads office. I haven't been here since I was a kid." I say while still glancing around the room.
"Yeah he liked having his own space." Steve says looking inside as if he wasn't allowed in here either. "You said you were looking for Bucky?" He added.
Bucky? "Uh yeah is that his nickname or something?" I ask not hearing that name before.
Steve chuckles. "Yeah that's what he's gone by since, well, forever. He didn't tell you?"
"No I just called him James." I said maybe he wanted to keep that between him and his best friend.
"He's in the kitchen. When he woke up he seemed pretty unusually happy and wanted to make you breakfast." Steve said pointing me in the direction of the kitchen.
"Thank you." I say hugging him. As I walk away I hear Steve sigh then shut my dad's office door gently.
"Good morning James." I say quietly and he turns around smiling.
"Good morning to you. Would you like some eggs?" He asks. You nod and sit on the stool next to the counter.
His smile shrinks a little and asks, "how do you feel? After last night?"
"Fine." I don't know if I want to bring it up. "I knew I wasn't sleeping well the past few nights, I just didn't realize I was having nightmares." I added.
"Y/n?" I turn to see Peter walking into the kitchen.
"Hey spider monkey!" I say smiling and pulling him into a hug.
"What are you doing...." Peter was about to finish his question then saw James standing with me. "Oh." He adds with a smirk.
"Shut up. I didn't know you stayed here?" I say trying to change the topic.
"Oh yeah only on the weekends. Tony thought... well he thought it was best if I stayed home and did school stuff during the week and then I'd come here for the weekend to train." Peter said and little sad like.
"Oh yeah that's a good plan." I say but was interrupted by Steve joining us.
"So Bucky did you make enough for everyone." Steve asked obviously picking on him.
James looks at me and I smile.
"Of course I did." He says rolling his eyes.
As we sit and eat together it feels good knowing that I still have so many people who care about me.
"Hey y/n I was wondering if you'd want to go into the city again with me today? I learned some new tricks and wanted to show you!" Peter asked while stuffing his face.
"Yeah I'd love too. I have to swing by my house go change but then I'll be good to go." I add.
"I can drive you home. Peter I'll take her home and you could pick her up later? No need for her to take the train." James says being protective like he promised he would be. Causing me to smile.
"Yeah I can do that. I'll be there around 2 y/n." Peter says while running out of the room. I can't help but laugh at how goofy he is.
James and I make our way back to his room so I can get ready to go.
"Thank you for comforting me last night. It helped." I say. He can tell I don't want to talk about it still so he nods and smiles.
As we ride his bike back home I can't help but think about how kind he's been. I know my mom told me he's a kind person, but I feel like everyone is kind, but James, he's different. It's genuine coming from him.
"I'll see you later?" He asks.
I smile and blush a little. "I hope so." I respond.
Peter knocks on the door right at 2 pm. Not surprising.
"Hey!" He says wearing his full Spider-Man suit.
"Uh why are you wearing the suit?" I ask almost laughing at him.
"Well last time I swung around town with you it was a little risky. Since anyone could have seen. So I thought I should wear it so no one suspects it's me." He says proudly. I just nod and walk outside.
"I'll be back later mom!" I yell into the house.
As I'm leaving Steve walks up the driveway with Nat.
"Oh hey guys." I say to both of them.
"Hey peanut. We came to check on your mom. You two be careful. Peter look after her." Steve says in a serious tone. Peter salutes him as if he were in the military.
Then Peter grabs my waist and we're off.
It's not as scary this time, since I know Peter won't drop me. I'm really soaking in the view. As we swing around the city Peter periodically puts me on a rooftop to go do some crazy trick off a building so I can watch.
As I'm standing watching him I hear a car alarm. I turn my head and see a man trying to break into a car. Peter heard it too and jumps into action. I watch from the roof being proud of my best friend. I can't hear what he's saying to Peter, but all of a sudden I see Peter trying to get to me as fast as possible. Before I know it someone puts a bag over my head and I'm being dragged down the stairs of the building and into a van that me nor Peter saw.
"No! Leave her alone!" I hear Peter scream as the door shuts and the engine starts. I'm freaking out. "No!" Is the last thing I hear from my best friend. He couldn't catch up. They took me.
The vehicle stops. The door opens. Where am I? I'm thrown over someone's shoulder and carried into a dark room. It sounds almost like a factory. Metal banging on metal. Finally I'm thrown into a chair and the bag is removed from my head. Tall, brown hair, brown eyes, scar beneath his eye.
"Who are you?" I ask trying not to show fear.
As my hands and legs are being tied to the chair the mans answers. "I was a friend of your fathers. Before he was your father or iron man. He betrayed me. Now I have you, because I want you to make me one of his suits." He says and I let out a chuckle on accident. His hand strikes me across my face.
"This is not a joke. You will make me a suit or you will die." The man repeats. Now I'm scared.
"I don't know how to make a suit. My dad never showed me." I say trying not to get hit again.
"Fine. Don't make a suit. I'll have to beat it out of you." He says striking me again.
James will find me. Peter is probably already back at the tower telling everyone to come get me. I can make it that long. I'll be fine.
As the man hits me in the face and stomach a small cough escapes my lips.
"I don't know how to make a suit. You're wasting your time." I say through tears.
"How about you tell me who spider man is? Or where the avengers tower is? Then you won't be a Total waste." He says. I don't know a lot but I do know that I cannot let this man find out about Peter or find the tower. I can handle this man until they come for me.
"I'm not telling you anything." I say feeling warmth on my face. My nose is bleeding. Great. "If you won't tell me. Maybe you'll tell him." He says. My face changes as the door opens and see James walk through being restrained by two huge men.
"Y/n?" He says softly. He can tell whatever happens is going to be bad. James looks at the men and tries his hardest to release himself from the bonds.
"Longing."
James's heart stops. Whats going on.
"Rusted."
James fights harder. "No!" He shouts
"Furnace."
He's getting tired. "Stop it!"
"Daybreak."
James looks at me. "I'm sorry..." he tells me.
"Seventeen."
Suddenly I realize. They're brainwashing him.
"Benign."
James's look scares me. "Let him go!" I shout.
"Nine."
All I hear is James screaming trying to get free.
"Homecoming."
I look at him. "Please don't leave me." I say.
"One."
He looks at me in total fear.
"I'll come back to you. I promise." He says knowing the last promise someone made me was broken.
"Freight car." The final word was spoken. James froze. Nothing but fear ran through my veins. James lifted his head and stared straight ahead. Not a single emotion behind his eyes.
"Ready to comply." He said in a soft deep voice.
"Soldier, you will do whatever it takes to find out who Spider-Man is and where the avengers tower is. Use any means necessary." The man says before him and the others walk out. Leaving me with me alone with James.
He looks at you and your eyes meet.
"James?" You say and he looks lost like a puppy.
"You are my mission. Tell me who Spider-Man is." James says taking a step closer.
James isn't James anymore. He's The Winter Soldier.
My hands begins to shake in the restraints. James walks over to a table and picks up a knife. Fear rushes through me.
"Please stop James. It's me. Y/n. We're meant to be together. Remember?" I say trying to make him stop.
He says nothing. He gets closer and places the knife against your leg.
"Who is spider man?" He says once. When you don't answer he slices your leg open.
A scream escapes your mouth and tears roll down your face.
"James... please stop." I say now feeling weak from the pain.
"Who is Spider-Man?" He asks again this time moving the knife to the other leg.
Again, I don't answer, I can't. He slices my other leg open and pushes a finger into the fresh cut. I can't help but scream again. Then all of a sudden he's punching me in the face. The other guy slapped me but this, this is rage. He kept punching and punching then paused to look at me.
"Who is he!" He shouts in my face.
"It's okay... it's okay James... I only feel you..." I say fading in and out of consciousness. All I knew is that I had to keep Peter safe and if that meant I had to be hurt, so be it.
James pauses as if he was thinking. Then turns to the table again and I see him grab nails and a hammer. "No..." you whisper.
"Where is the avengers tower?" He asked and this time didn't give me time to answer even if I wanted. He nailed my hand into the chair. I whimper as he pounded the nail into my flesh.
"Tell me!" He shouts again pushing a finger into my cut again.
I'm stronger than I thought. I know it's because I need to be awake when he comes back to me. He needs to know that I forgive him, and had already forgiven him before he did anything.
I can tell my silence is making him angry. I don't care, I can take it.
He walks back to the table and grabs a rope and a weight. Then walks back to me. He ties it around my neck, which I'll admit, frightens me. And ties the weight to the other side. I can feel the weight making it hard for my throat to get air into my lungs. Right before I lose consciousness he takes it off.
"Not yet. Don't sleep yet. We're just getting started." He says softly into my ear. I take a few deep breaths. He won't kill me. Will he?
He takes the knife again and this time holds it to the back of my calf. I know if he cuts too deep there I might not walk again. He slices small, baby cuts. Almost just enough pain to be annoying. He stands and goes to the table and grabs... handheld shears. He's going to get my fingers off. He slowly walks back to me and places the shears around my finger.
"Tell me. Or I will start taking every finger until you have none left." He says slowly tighten his grip around the shears.
My finger starts to bleed.
"I feel you James. It's okay I'm here. Don't be scared. I forgive you." I say with a faint sigh.
Then it clicked. Something inside of his brain switched and he blinked a few times before looking around and realizes what he's done.
"Y/n..." he says as he softly and throws the shears away then puts his hand on my face.
"I'm here. It's okay. I forgive you." I say again so he knows I mean it.
"Oh my God..." he says then frantically stands up. He's trying to find a way out. Then he noticed the nail in my hand.
"I have to get it out." He says hesitantly. I nod so he knows I heard him. Then he uses his metal fingers to pull it out of my hand. A small whimper escapes my mouth.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He says I can hear the shaking in his voice.
"It's okay... I felt you... only you...." I say as the world goes black.
"We have to stitch her legs."
"What happened??"
"Oh my God... y/n..."
"We have to stitch her hands."
"I think her nose is broken."
Suddenly, my eyes open and I can't help but sit up panting looking around to see where I am.
My mom is sitting next to my bed. James is on the couch in the room.
"Oh thank God you're awake." My mom said grabbing my uninjured hand. I try to stop shaking but can't help it.
"Y/n... I'll go get Banner." James says. He has so much pain in his voice. He didn't hurt me. It wasn't him I know that, but does he?
"Who's Banner, mom?" I ask.
"Your dads friend. He's a doctor. He stitched you up." My mom said starting to cry. I lay back in the bed and try to relax. I knew they'd find me.
A man walks in the door. A little short but looks nice.
"Hi y/n. I'm Bruce. Is it alright if I check your pulse and things like that? I'll be careful." He says and I see James walk in behind him.
"Yeah that's fine." I say. I want James with me. I let go of my moms hand and hold it out to James. He walks up and takes my moms place, I hope she doesn't mind, but I need him to know I forgive him.
"Everything seems normal y/n. Other than the obvious injuries I think you will heal up just fine." Bruce says placing his hand on my hand. "Just take it easy for a few days. You have a concussion so no running or exercising." He adds and I nod.
"Mom can we have a minute?" I say as Bruce leaves. She nods, a little worried, but steps out.
"Hi." I whisper to James with a smile.
He's silent.
"It wasn't you." I say trying to reassure him.
He looks at me then lifts his hand that hands bruises from him hitting me.
"It was me, y/n." He says with anger.
"Listen, James, I knew the risk when we met. You have a past and I knew that. But you came back you promised you would and you did." I say I'm truly not mad at him. I'm more mad at the man who made him do this.
"Y/n I could've killed you."
"But you didn't. The Winter Soldier hurt me not you. Actually the thought of having you back is what made it not so bad." I respond.
"I didn't feel the pain I felt you. I didn't focus on what you were forced to do. I felt you. Only you." I add closing my eyes as a tear fell down my cheek.
"How could you forgive me so easily?" He asked not understanding my feelings.
"James, we're soulmates. I didn't realize when I was young what that truly meant, but now I know. There's nothing you could do to me, whether your forced to or not, that I couldn't forgive you for." I smile at him trying to make him feel better.
He nods with his head down.
"Kiss me." I say. It meant to be a question but came out a little forceful.
He leans over me and gently places a kiss on my broken lips.
"Lay with me. Please don't leave this time." I say joking about him leaving me in bed the morning before.
"I'll never leave you again." He says. I think he wanted to promise but didn't want to ever risk breaking it so he just said it. Either way, I believe him.
A knock on the door makes my eyes open slowly and I see Peter standing at the door of the bed with his head down.
"Y/n.... I am so..."
"Come here Parker it's okay." I interrupt and sit up to hug him. James is still right next to me. He wants to be mad at Peter but for my sake isn't.
"The man that tried to break into that car was only there as a diversion to get me away from you. When I saw you get throw in that truck... I thought you were gone forever." He said with tears falling down his face.
"How could I be gone forever when my friends are the avengers?" I say with a chuckle, which hurts my stomach.
"When I came back and heard Bucky was missing too... I just knew something horrible was going to happen." He says and I rub his arm.
"James came back to me, like he promised. It wasn't him who hurt me it was..." I stopped and didn't say the name, they knew who I meant.
Before I could continue Steve comes in and looks at Peter.
"Hallway. Now." He says sternly.
"Steve. Wait." I say but they already walking out.
"Steve is mad because he was responsible for you and let you get taken." James says trying to let me know what's going on.
"It wasn't Peters fault." I say and James nods. I'm not sure if he agrees.
Steve and Peter walk back in and Steve takes one look at me and his eyes turn glassy.
"Your dad would have peters head on a stake if he were here." Steve says stepping towards me and grabbing my hand.
"I wouldn't have let him." I say reminiscing about how protective my dad was.
"Bucky. You good?" Steve says not taking his eyes off me.
"Yeah pal. I'm good." James responds with a nod.
"You three are my favorite people nowadays. You know that right?" I say glancing at James, Steve, and Peter.
They all nod and stay with me until nightfall. I've never been safer with three avengers watching over me in my sleep.
**** BUCKY'S POV ****
She fell asleep right next to me and I can't help but feel grateful for her forgiveness, even if I can't forgive myself. I hurt her. Even if I was forced or brainwashed or whatever. I hurt her. If she is able to forgive me, maybe someday I can forgive myself.
"I think she loves you." Steve whispers to not wake up y/n and Peter. Peter is asleep in the chair and Steve is sat on the couch next to the bed on my side. I look at him and shake my head.
"She can't love me. Look what I did to her." I say glancing at her. I can hardly stand to see her face like this. Broken, bloody, bruised all done by my hand.
"You know as well as I do that this wasn't you." Steve reminds me. I know it wasn't ME, but it was my body.
"What if she's scared of me now? What if her nightmares aren't of her dad anymore but of me hitting her and cutting her legs open?" I turn and ask Steve. I can be blunt with him he's my best friend and he knows how I think either way.
"That might happen." He says truthfully and I nod. "But even if that's the case, she knows better than anyone that what happened to her might've been done by your hand but it wasn't YOU." He adds and almost makes me feel better.
"I can't lose her man. I can take a lot of stuff. But losing her would be the end of me." I say. I kind of catch myself off guard with my honesty.
Steve nods.
"I know Pal. I know."
We sit in silence for a while. Steve glares around the room. And I can't take my eyes off of y/n.
********** normal POV **********
"We have to find those men. They know the trigger words they can use it against us anytime."
"I know Buck. But I don't think it's smart to leave her."
"Then you stay I have to go."
"And what if they use them again? You might not come back next time."
My eyes flutter open and I see James and Steve standing in front of my bed.
"What's going on?" I ask with a faint feeling in my head.
James shakes his head at Steve. Telling him not to tell me.
"James wants to leave to go find those men that took you." Steve says. I try to sit up but fail. James rushes to my side to aid me.
"No you can't leave me." I beg with a weakness behind my voice.
"We have to get them before they try anything again." He tells me.
I shake my head. "No... let the others go. Please stay." I say and close my eyes.
"Ok y/n. I won't leave you." James says.
I think sleeping is kind of annoying. Especially when you can't force yourself to stay awake. As my eyes open once again I see Peter in the chair by the bed reading a book.
"Peter?" I whisper
"Oh hey y/n!" He says happy to see me awake. I look around. "Where the hell is James?" I ask frantically.
Peters face changes. He knows something.
"Tell me now Peter!" I shout.
"They went after them! Steve.. Bucky... and Nat. They went after those men." Pete responds with a shaken voice.
He left me.