floating

care

bao yawned, sleepiness finally setting in though they hadnt been awake for long. the time was currently 1:03 am, both bao and hawks had very few conversations between midnight and then, usually only lasting a few sentences. hawks noticed that bao seemed tired, but didn't want to leave just yet.

"hey mai?"

bao turned their head, looking at hawks with their hands folded over their stomach. "yeah?"

"when was the last time you showered?"

"are you saying i stink?" bao sat up, leaning on their hand and looking at hawks with a fake look of hurt on their face. they faked insult, though inside they were genuinely scared they smelled.

"no, no! god i worded that wrong," hawks mumbled the last bit. "i mean, im worried you haven't taken care of yourself. you should shower, it'll help you feel a bit better. so, when was the last time you showered?" hawks had also sat up, scared he came off as rude rather than caring.

"less than a week ago." bao knew why they showered so recently, that was when they attempted to kill themself. they didnt bother to share that before then it had been 4 months.

"and how long before then?"

and of course, he just had to ask, bao thought.

"like 4 months." bao knew that wasnt normal, nor healthy. they just couldnt muster up the energy to shower, they didn't see a reason to do so.

"i want you to shower tonight, try to get into a routine of it. not everyday, but maybe, once a week. im not asking you to do this for me, but for yourself. it'll help you feel better, cleaner, maybe help you feel, productive. though its not much, its certainly something."

"okay okay, ill shower tonight. are you done with your little pep talk?" bao knew they weren't going to shower tonight.

"yeah im done, but im coming with you." and it seems hawks knew that as well.

"what do you mean come with me?"

"i could, assist you in showering," hawks smirked, joking around again.

"no, nope, not gonna happen."

"awww, why not," hawks pouted, though he wasn't actually disappointed.

"because you are not joining me in the fucking shower," bao laughed slightly, turning down hawks' strange request.

"fine fine, but i still want to make sure you shower."

"fine," bao thought for a second. "i guess you can like, sit outside the bathroom or something."

"deal!" hawks cheered like a little kid, strangely excited to sit outside of a bathroom while bao showered but it was still amusing, making bao laugh, hawks soon following.

~~~

the two made their way down the hall towards bao's apartment. bao was nervous, they knew their apartment was messy and was scared hawks would judge them.

once they reached the door, bao hesitated, holding the key by the knob but not doing anything.

"are you sure you dont just want to go home?" bao asked, a slight waver in their voice.

"i mean i dont want to but if you're uncomfortable with me coming inside i can leave," hawks gave a reasurring smile, his hands tucked into his pockets. he always seemed so relaxed, bao wondered how he did it.

"no its fine, you can come in."

bao quickly unlocked the door, pushing it open as they stepped inside.

walking in, hawks was met with the living room, the kitchen visible on the left and a hallway dead center in open space type room. there was trash on the dining table and surrounding, the couch pillows thrown on the ground and the t.v. left on a rolling screensaver, not turned off. the kitchen sink was piled with dishes, the trash can near full with a full closed bag leaning against it, it was clear bao hadnt taken the trash out in a while. clothes and trash littered the floor, along with belongings bao seemingly hadnt put away, shoes just piled by the door rather than stacked on a shoe-rack or shelf.

bao and hawks removed their shoes, walking further into the home. as hawks walked past the living room, he noticed a small urn by the t.v., too small to hold a persons ashes; perhaps an old pet.

the hall was cleared out, clean and organized aside from the few items of clothing and crooked paintings and photos on the wall. on the right was the bathroom, messy with makeup covering the counter and an overflowing trash can, trash on the floor and a pile of dirty clothes by the door.

they entered bao's bedroom, a large queen sized bed taking up most of the space. the blankets formed a nest type thing, all piled and curled in the corner. way too many pillows for any one person, but bao liked pillows. there were a few stuffed animals, some seeming new and other old and needing a wash. like other rooms, trash and clothes (mainly clothes) littered the floor, various dishes stacked on the dresser and nightstand. Various items that hadnt been put away after use littered the room as well, such as the laptop on the mattress and a large bag of snacks by one of the pillows.

the closet doors were open, hanger sticking out from clothes hanging off them and dirty and clean clothes mingled together on the floor.

hawks stayed by the bedroom door, leaning on the frame with his hands still in his pockets as he watched bao. they tossed their comforter on the bed, not bothering to wash it though it had just been on a building cement roof.

hawks watched as they dug in their dresser drawer, struggling to pull it out as the dresser was old and stuffed with unfolded clothes. they pulled out baggy shorts that reached their knees and a pair of underwear, not bothering to close the drawer as they walked to their closet. from their closet they pulled out a t-shirt that seemed 3 sizes too large, just how bao liked it.

bao turned to hawks, holding the clothes in her hand and staring at him.

"well, im gonna go shower now. you make yourself at home i guess, or just sit outside the bathroom if you'd like," bao said kind of awkwardly. its weird knowing someone is there just to ensure you shower, but comforting at the same time. it really showed to bao that hawks cared, and was making an effort to show that.

"sure, ill just sit outside the bathroom."

"okay," bao awkwardly smiled, a toothfull smile.

they shuffled past hawks, turning on the bathroom light and stepping inside, holding their clothes to their chest with one hand and the door with the other.

"well, have fun i guess," bao said, closing the bathroom door.

hawks took a seat next to the door, hearing the light click of the lock on the door turning, then shuffling as bao undressed themself.

he waited until he heard the shower turn on, relaxing and leaning against the wall. his efforts made a difference.