Is this seat taken- lainy122 on Archive of our own

Chapter 1

The first time was a bet.

Zayn had been on Louis' couch all afternoon, sharing a joint and bemoaning the increased security at an upcoming music awards event he was going to. Apparently some ego-inflated hip hop star had declared current security not good enough for his incredibly important person and the whole thing had turned into a circus.

Louis was amazed at how many different words Zayn knew that meant annoyingly overdone. Then again he was one of the greatest R&B stars of the current generation, so perhaps it wasn't so surprising after all.

"Can't even go for a smoke without a dozen guys jumping you," Zayn grumbled, handing the spliff over to Louis.

"Can't be as bad as all that," Louis replied, pulling deeply on a drag and holding it in.

"Mate, you have no idea," Zayn said. "I bet the Pope himself would get checked at the door, it's a bloody joke."

Louis laughed at the thought of the Pope getting a pat down on the red carpet. He was happy and he was high so he found himself saying easily, "I bet I could get in, completely unchecked."

Zayn turned to stare at him. "I bet you couldn't."

And, well. Louis had never in his life backed down from a challenge.

They quickly established the parameters of the bet - bragging rights and a fancy meal if Louis won, mocking rights and bail if he lost - before Zayn had to leave to let his team get him ready.

Despite the high stakes if he lost (the mocking of course, not the possible jail time), Louis wasn't too worried. He'd noticed a thing or two about L.A. since he had followed Zayn across the pond a few years ago.

He totally had this.

What Zayn wasn't aware of was that Louis actually had a little bit of experience with this sort of thing. Before the two of them had met in Manchester and become best friends when they were fourteen, Louis had been mates with some...unsavory people for lack of a better term, back in Doncaster. In fact, if Jay hadn't decided to move Louis and his sisters away from a particularly dodgy boyfriend in Donny and try for a new start in a different city, Louis is pretty sure he would have ended up in jail by now.

He never did anything worth losing sleep over but over the course of his youth Louis had picked up a certain set of skills, which he prefered to keep under wraps to avoid awkward questions. He had light fingers for example, and could pick most locks and hotwire a car. Even though it had been a while since he had done it, he'd never lost the knack to look at a high security building and figure out a way inside.

So a few hours later, Louis was loitering across the road from the convention building where the award show was taking place, assessing the property. His head had cleared a bit which had allowed a few doubts to push their way through, but he studiously ignored them.

He might be a bit rusty, but he was a man with a plan.

With a last quick flicker of his eyes up and down the street, Louis confidently crossed the road and hopped the fence in the blind spot of the security cameras stationed at various intervals across the walls. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and tapped one out as he casually wandered along the wall of the building, stopping when he reached a fire door in direct view of one of the cameras.

He lit up the fag in his hands and waited.

He didn't have to wait long.

Less than a minute later, an exceptionally large security guard rounded the corner. He didn't rush towards Louis but he didn't dawdle either, and Louis pulled a drag on his cigarette as he eyed the guy's appearance. Clean cut suit, fitted enough to be well presented but with room to move, neat haircut and clean shave, and a confident way of moving that suggested he could hold his own in a fight.

Wow, Zayn really wasn't kidding. Everything about this security guy screamed top-notch private sector, which was top-notch expensive.

Luckily, that's kind of what Louis was banking on and he could see his gamble pay off as the guy approached him. He watched him take in Louis' incredibly expensive suit, his well tailored trousers clearly displaying no wallet or anything that would ruin the seam line, his bored expression and complete indifference to the approach of security, and the cigarette in his hand.

A borrowed suit from Zayn, a cigarette and the right attitude, and Louis went from security breach to misplaced celebrity instantly. He could practically see the wheels in the security guy's head switch from 'could be dangerous' to 'could get me fired'.

L.A was so predictable.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but this area is restricted," the guard said, his tone polite and apologetic. He came to a stop a respectful distance from where Louis was standing. "I'm going to have to ask you to put out your cigarette."

"Are you serious?" Louis huffed, sinking into the role of spoiled brat with relish. "I was just told I couldn't smoke inside, and now you're telling me I can't smoke outside either?"

"I'm afraid smoking is not permitted anywhere on the property," the guard replied, watching Louis carefully, obviously hoping that this encounter wasn't going to blow up in his face.

Louis took a final deep breath of his cigarette, eyes narrowed at the security guard as though weighing his options. After a moment he blew out the smoke and dropped the remaining cigarette on the ground, crushing it under his stupidly expensive shoes.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled. "I know you're just doing your job or whatever."

He didn't miss the relief that flashed through the man's eyes. They really must be getting a hard time at the moment.

Louis reached over to the fire door and gave it a tug, frowning when it didn't open. He tugged again, making a show of it.

The security guard coughed delicately. "I'm afraid these doors only open from the inside, sir."

Louis turned back to him, his eyebrows shooting up as though this was news.

"Seriously?" he exclaimed, totally ready for his Oscar, thank you. "Well," he squinted at the guy's name tag, "Alberto, maybe I'm relieved you came along after all." He flashed him a winning smile.

Security guard Alberto responded with a small grin in return, before leaning over and swiping his security pass against a panel at the wall.

"Enjoy the show, sir," he said politely.

"I'm sure I will," Louis saluted him lazily, and walked right into the building.

Ha!