Good Enough ➳ Ross Lynch

013

Dear Ross

I’m so terribly sorry that you had to see me like that. You were never supposed to see me like that, with blood running down my wrist, making a small puddle on the carpet. I never wanted you to see me with a razor blade in my hand making marks on my body that will never go away. But you saw me, and the look in your eyes is probably never going to leave my mind. I could see the hurt and the concern but I could also see the little bit of disappointment.
     When you walked in with that stupid beautiful smile on your face that quickly turned into a frown once you understood what I was doing. I remember how your voice broke when you tried to say my name, “Iris”.

The blade slowly fell from my sweaty palm. And you rushed to me, but I kept going backwards. “Iris, you need to go to the doctors this is really deep.” I heard how your voice broke. In the end I started screaming at you “Get out, get out, get out.” I stared pushing you gently towards the door. “Leave me alone” I whispered as I pushed you out the door. I’m pretty sure I got blood on your white t-shirt (I’m sorry). I’m sorry, but I was too embarrassed to face you, too ashamed. You had seen the part of me I hate the most, the monster.

“Iris, please let me in.” your voice was so sweet and vulnerable. But, Ross, I can’t. I can’t let you in and I’m sorry. 
      “Please leave me alone.” I cried softly, and after that I didn’t hear anything.

 And the worst part is that after you left I picked up the blade again and kept on being the monster that I am.

 I’m deeply sorry!

Yours truly,
Iris x