This Dark Salvation

XV.

The pampering I had received at my own estate was more luxurious than what I was given at the Josey's. I felt disconnected with the services I should've obtained. As the days continued to roll by, I figured out the houses' layout and was proud at that.

Richard had taken me hunting and I was thankful for that. The land was starting to bore me. He once took me past the estate's yard and over rolling hills and clusters of trees. As we reached the top of one of the many hills, Richard stopped and took a deep swig of the air with his pink cheeks, inflating his chest. He seemed to be enjoying the weather with his rifle in hand and hat in the other. The clouds were moving across the steady stream of air and the tall grasses danced with them.

Mr. Josey turned to me, wide eyed, and said, "Not a better way to spend this lovely day." He whirled back and gazed over the tree line.

I felt the soles of my boots cake with dried dirt as I waded through the brush to his side. "I couldn't agree more," I replied.

"Birds are just one of the many creatures to hunt," stated Richard.

I frowned because I thought we were talking about the scenery.

"I can tell you've hunted a little, am I correct?" Richard asked.

"Yes," I laughed a slightly. "My game is to watch; I prefer the entertainment."

Mr. Josey hummed, nodding his head. "I can see that."

The wind picked up and the grass whipped backwards grasping my calves. It looked as if they were hugging me.

That was only one of the few days of hunting, the only memory I had of them. It was quite impressive, the amount of animals Richard brought back. I could sense he knew his rifles.

And Clara persisted that I join her in several strolls around the gardens. Both Josey's would ask me questions that I didn't even know the answers to. They'd ask about my estate, how my mother and father had met, or how I was with Gwendolen. But most of their questions consisted of my family's business. I tried my best to display an easy smile and let them think I enjoyed spending my time with them.

As soon as I was free to fly away, I would head back to my room and wait for Thomas to bring me tea. I would force him to stay and talk to me. At least he was normal and we both understood each other.

After cleaning up from the hunt, I asked Jack if we had received any more word from our advisors. Apparently, Jack had received one letter. Their advice was to wait until further notice, again. It was a waiting game and the lack of information they were providing was concerning.

I sent Thomas out to be alone. I didn't want to interact with anyone after the night before. I could almost agree with you that I had felt guilty about what I'd done but that didn't make any sense. I've slept with many women before. It was her draw back that hit me with shame. It was the fact that I was tainted, like she had described not being.

I decided to sit on the balcony, with my forehead against the bars looking below to the breaking bushes. The sappy sounds vibrated off the metal rails rolling together into a muffled heat wave and my fingers brushed the railings; it burnt my fingertips. I gripped the bars, sinking into the balcony, crushing my forehead against the searing hot metal.

My chest seized and my throat tightened. I gripped the bars fighting to force my eyes closed thinking perhaps it would cool the rushing heat. My head started pounding again, the pills that the Josey's gave me were pointless.