Sweet Blasphemy (Andy Biersack)

You Are My Gravity | Chapter 4

"Yes!" Jack screamed as we boarded the tour bus for All Time Low. Ben and I both arrived here about an hour ago. I'm pretty sure he's on his tour bus by now. "Jack calm the hell down." Matt said scolding him.

"Ugh fineeee. Jessssssssss." Jack said wiggling his eyebrows at me. I gave him a funny look. Then he pointed behind me, I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion then looked behind me. Ben was standing at the door. I walked up to him.

He pulled me into a hug and gave me a long kiss. It caught me off guard, but I kissed back. He's fucking straight forward and very blunt. "What are you doing here?" I asked as he pulled away.

"Well a bunch of bands are having a kick off party when we get to the venue. And since everyone's arriving a day early I was wondering if you'd come hang out on our bus till warped official starts."

"That's only till tomorrow Ben. But I'd love to. All the bands are going right?" He nodded. "Sweet. I can meet some people." I said jumping around. I turned around.

"You guys wouldn't mind right. We'd see each other at the party-" Jack cut me off. "OF COURSE, GO, BUT YOUR GONNA HAVE ONE DANCE WITH ME." Jack said

I laughed at him. I turned back to Ben who was also laughing at Jack. "I'll just get ready and I'll borrow some clothes for bed okay?" I said as I walked to my bunk. I pulled out a cut up Misfit shirt and a pair of shorts. I walked to the bathroom and slipped them on. I examined my body.

I had gained weight since high school, I grew. And I'm at a healthy weight. Still have a thigh gap but I'm not super skinny like I was in back then.

My arms and legs. Covered in faded scars, I'm not Ashamed of them. I grabbed my makeup and slipped it in my bag and I walked over to Alex.

"I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to hang with Ben." "Well see you at the kick off party right?" He asked looking up from his phone. I nodded and made my way over to Ben.

"You look stunning love." I gave him a smile, he swung his arm around me. "Do you know any of the bands gonna be there?" I asked as we walked back to his tour bus.

"Um, other than the ones we know, I know D.R.U.G.S is gonna be there, you'll get to meet our childhood friend Matt, OH! He also said our other childhood friend. The one I couldn't remember is going to be there so you'll get to meet him to."

We walked into the tour bus and fuck. I forgot he's in a band with Danny. But it's fine. I'm not fond of him, you know unwanted feelings and such. But he's...okay. I mean we've been texting and what I missed the most about him was him being my friend.

"Hey! Jess." Someone called. I had no idea who did so I just waved. "Hey Juliet." Danny said. "Why do people call you Juliet." I froze. "I..Um...it's my middle name" I said slowly. They all nodded.

"Alright boys! Were heading off to the venue. It's not far. About half an hour, then you have one hour till the kick off party starts." Someone yelled. I'm guessing their tour manager.

I sighed. I know absolutely no one on this bus beside Danny and Ben. "Hey, what's up?" Ben asked. I gave him a small smile. "Nothing, um where's the bathroom." He pointed down the hall past the bunks. I nodded and headed that way.

I passed the bathroom and just walked into the back lounge. I sat down and sighed. "Hey.." I looked up and saw Danny. I pulled my legs up and stared at him. "Hey.." "What's wro-" he stopped talking. I looked at him. His gaze was on me but-

I grabbed a blanket that was beside me and covered my body up. "Jessica..." I threw the blanket off me and go up I was about to walk out when Danny grabbed my arm. "When! Why?" He asked looking at my body. "In high school! Because of you!" I yelled back at him. "I told you it was more than a apology.." I said sitting on the floor.

"I...I..didn't know.." "You couldn't have..you were young and stupid..and at the bar..you were drunk and stupid." I chuckled sadly. "Jessica. I didn't know. I'm sorry for everything." I got up. "I'm passed this. It's over and tonight is gong to be fun so stop talking to me about my past. I'm over it." I said

He back up and I walked over to Ben. "Were at the venue now. What was all the yelling." He whispered the last part. "Danny. Just got me a little angry. It was nothing."

He smiled and continued looking out the window at all the fans that were walking around checking the venue out from the gates. I looked at him. And I really looked at him. Do I even like him? I sighed. Way to go Jess. Got yourself into a mess.

It was around 8pm it was kinda dark. People were heading out to buy alcohol for the kick off party. Ben had left to with the other members. I was in the bathroom applying makeup again. I fixed my boobs and pulled my shirt down a little.

I know, I may look like I'm sluting it up. But I feel confident. And it's not like I'm in just a sports bra and short short shorts. Mine are decent. And don't make look like I have a wedgie.

I walked out and sat on the couch. "Hey." I jumped at the sound of Danny's voice. "Holy fuck! Dude! I thought you left with the others?" I said hitting him. "Nah, I wanted to talk." He said sitting back down beside me.

I nodded. "Okay, Jessica. I can't stop thinking about how I was the one who pushed you to do this. How I was blind and stupid. Jess..I've always loved you. Fuck! We've been best friends from grade 1-"

"Till you started ditching me for your fuck buddies after I moved schools. You were like a stranger. It was your ex, my best friend who brought us closer. And I'm not stupid. I know if you had another chance to jump her you would." I said getting up and automatically pulled back down.

He tried kissing me but I pushed him away. "I'm with Ben, and don't make me become a cheater. Danny, I loved you once. For a good 8 years of my life. But it's gone."

"But you'll never love anyone more than me. That long-" "but I did." I said cutting him off. "What?" He was clearly confused. "I loved someone more than you." His face softened. I don't know if it was out or pity cause I way clearly alone before Ben or because he's sad?

" After I moved I met him along with Alex and everyone. We were together for two years till I went off to collage and him on a world tour."I was getting shakier. "We stopped talking after a year and..he..he was with another girl."

I was starting to cry. "He didn't even break up with me or anything. I..I never thought I could love anyone more than you in such a short amount of time, but I did. And I..I.." I was full on crying now.

Danny wrapped me in his arms and stroked my hair. I just cried into his shoulder. Is is the second time in years I've thought about Andy. I cried and cried.

I eventually calmed down. I wiped my face. "I'm gonna break up with Ben." I blurted out. "I..just don't think a relationship is good for me. I've been alone for 3 years. I guess I'm not ready." He nodded and gave me a hug.

"Friends?" He asked. I smiled at him. "I've missed you being my friend." I said. We hugged and I got up and fixed my makeup. I looked at myself in the mirror. The person staring back at me. I could bearly recognize her. I walked out and grabbed some skinnies and sneakers. Better. I'm not one for shorts or tank tops but it's not a super slutty tank top.

Time to get drunk and forget everything.

A/N soo, I saw Black Veil Brides on Sunday. It was literally the best night of my life. Andy kept smiling, he was so cute. He kept playing around with Ashley and Jinxxs guitars. CC did an amazing drum solo and crowd surfed. It was the best night I've ever had. I never thought I'd live to see them live. Also....it was seeing my favourite band play, who means the world to me that helped me through life. That saved me with their music that gave me the strength to throw away my razors. 23/02/15 They saved me from myself many times but that night...I just can't put it in words simply. It's a feeling. You have to feel it to know.