𝘈 𝘙𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 //𝘛.𝘍 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 //

Part 4 || 3 - Feeling Blue

"What?!" he asked raising his voice a little, like he didn't believe what I just said to him. I sighed and mustered the courage to say it again. "I love you"

"Please tell me you're joking" he said putting the glass down. I gulped and thought about it for a minute. With the looks of it, he doesn't like me back, so I could say that I was joking and we could put it behind us.

"I have two options, to say that I indeed love you or to tell you that I was kidding. I wasn't, no, I wasn't, I'm done hiding it, I love you, I do, for a long time now and I didn't want things to continue like this between us - just meaningless sex and nothing afterwards, no-"

"Dammit! You weren't supposed to fall in love with me" he yelled making me flinch on my spot. "I thought we agreed on it - it was the first thing I said, 'No feelings'" he added running a frustrated hand through his blonde locks. I bit my lip from crying right then and there - he indirectly said he doesn't love me or even like me back.

"Yeah, well, I only agreed to it because I thought it would take us somewhere, guess I was wrong" I said walking to the other side of the kitchen aisle. "You weren't supposed to-"

"Well, I did. It's not like I could control it, it happens Tom, people fall in love. It happens. But all you ever wanted was good sex, b-but did you ever stop to think about how I feel? No, it was all sex-"

"You weren't supposed-"

"Repeating it is not going to make it stop being true! It's how I feel. I have for a long time, but with the meaningless sex, without a relationship, just - I'm tired" I said sighing loudly and resting my palms on the aisle. He didn't say anything so I continued.

"I love you that is what all I know right now" I said and waited for him to speak. He didn't, no one did for a few minutes. I thought he was taking his time to sort his feelings out, that maybe I read the situation wrong— "Look, Shorty, if you're waiting for me to agree, then I'm sorry, I don't feel like that towards you" he spoke after minutes of silence.

Emma was wrong.

It hurt like hell, more than it would've if I told him later. To hear those words from him. To listen to him not love me back. To let him use me in hopes of waiting something to flourish. How did I get myself into this?

It was literally like he reached down into my chest, ripped my heart from its place, and smeared it all over my life. A stray tear slid through my eyes, seeing that Tom walked over to me, but I walked back a few steps and put my hand making him stop.

"No, no. I-I can't do this. I need to leave-"

"Leave? Where? Y/N," he tried to take my wrist but I pulled back, "Why-why are you acting like we can't be friends? We can, right?" he asked making me shake my head no. I looked up, not staring into his eyes. "No, I don't think I can see you anything different than the person I fell in love with"

"W-Where will you go?" he asked following me out of the kitchen. "The mansion or Emma's, why do you care?" I asked walking up the stairs. He was about to follow but I turned around, "Don't - I don't think you should" I said and walked back to my room.

The minute I closed the door, I burst into tears. The worst type of crying is when you want to scream but can't because someone might hear you. The one where it gets deep in your throat and your eyes get blurry but you can't scream. The one where you put a hand on your mouth and the other on your stomach cause it hurts physically but you have to keep quiet. Because Tom could hear me, I cried silently. I wanted to scream, I wanted to let all the bloody feelings out, I wanted to weep, not caring how loud I sounded, I wanted to erase the feeling that I was feeling right now, I wanted to untighten my chest.

I wanted Tom to love me back.

I wiped my tears when I looked around the room, so many happy pictures of Tom and me, a few on my mirror, a few on my headboard, a large fan-made painting of us above my bed, a few frames on my night-stand.

I need to get out of this house. I shut my eyes close, put my hands over my ears and pursed my lips into a thin line when I saw every moment we shared here, when I heard his words that he spoke to me in this very room, when I reminisced his lips on mine.

Shaking those thoughts off, I opened my eyes and looked at the penguin that he gave me and started stuffing as much as stuff I could in my suitcase.

I wore a thick hoodie and pulled it over my head. I headed downstairs and to be greeted by Tom who seemed deep in thought at the bottom of my stairs. He didn't notice that I was behind him, as I took silent steps, I looked at the frames he hung on the wall next to me, each having so much memories, so much love.

At the last step, it creaked, I always told him to fix it. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. Without even sparing Tom a glance, I aimed for the doorknob but Tom held my wrist, I looked down at my hand instead of his face. "Sorry" he mumbled taking it away.

"H-How are you going?" he said and I think I heard him sniffle a little, I still didn't turn around. "Why do you care?" I repeated each word again. He didn't say anything for a minute, I thought I was being a little cruel. "I'll take the bus or and Uber"

"An Uber at 2 in the morning or a bus, I'm not letting you go like that. I know how stubborn you are, so let me drop you-"

"No, I can manage-"

"I didn't ask you; you may hate me right now, but I don't care, I'm dropping you off at Emma's. Let me get my jacket" he said sternly. I opened the door without agreeing and saw it was raining. I sighed and went out in the rain but Tom quickly pulled his car out from the garage.

The car ride to Emma's was silent. We didn't say anything to each other, I didn't even look at him, while he kept stealing glances and I stared straight right out of the window. With my legs up the seat, my knees hugging my chest, my head resting on the headrest, I sat in the backseat. Tears streamed down my eyes as the raindrops streamed down the window.

He pulled up outside Emma's house, quickly I got down and pulled my suitcase out with me. As I was about go away from the car, Tom grabbed my wrist. I didn't turn around, I didn't say anything, the both of us were getting wet in the rain. "Y/N, please-" Emma opened the door of her house.

"When they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking about me, about all our memories, I hope you ache in regret, I hope your chest tightens just like mine, I hope your heart burns and I hope that the truth hits you when you find yourself without me by your side and you reply: 'She loved me more than anyone else in the world and I destroyed her'" I said as he dropped my hand. I walked towards the door as Emma took my bag from me.

She looked at Tom, shook her head in disappointment and lead me in the house. I fell to my knees and started crying, like I wanted to. I screamed and screamed, causing Em's family to come downstairs. I didn't stop, Emma sat down near me and hugged me. After an hour of staying like that, Jacqueline - Emma's mom, came next to me and said something very touching, "One day, he'll look back at what everything you guys had and did, and he'll regret every single thing he did to end it"

The whole night I spent in Emma's room, not sleeping. I was curled up in the bed with the penguin, crying silently on it. Emma was awake with me as well. I really didn't want to bother her, so I picked up my phone and texted Phil.

Me - 'Lease a place as soon as possible. Would be better if it's by tomorrow. Keep me updated'

"I texted Phil, I'll have a place by tomorrow, will go to Tom's place when you guys are at work, pack all my things and settle in my new home" I said keeping my phone on the table. "You don't have to-"

"No, no, Emma. I'll be fine" I said slowly still not turning around, "I think" I mumbled the last part.