The Sickness In Our Heads || AU

e i g h t -

'Oh, when I close my eyes
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I wish I could disappear...

'When the lights go up
I don't think I told you
I don't think I told you
That I feel out of place...'

_____________________________________________

•HARMFUL T H O U G H T S•

DEA

 It's been a few days and I didn't leave the room. Ha-Joon only comes to sleep on the bed with me, not talking and his hand wouldn't grip me. I understand he is trying to give me a little freedom. But from the way, he gave me the silent treatment I can tell he doesn't like my silence.

As far as I know, Giga and Jeon-Hyun are still here - I hope they are. But wouldn't Giga come and see me? Why hasn't she yet? Or she tried to but Ha-Joon threaten to stay away from me?

My mind goes to thinking about going out of here to the living room, probably to drink water. I don't want to eat whatever is, sadly my appetite has now completely faded. Just the feeling of thirst. A lot of thirsts.

It's always like this when I'm stressed and now constantly thinking about the day Ha-Joon almost stabbed me, it seems to be worse. My body has become thinner than usual, I have to take a deep breath even when I get up to go to the bathroom. It's not a pleasant feeling.

My head fells backward and hit the wall. I look up and see a little glint coming into the small bathroom. Leaving a sigh as I think. A while ago, Ha-Joon told me we have a secret door inside the bathroom. It's on the left side of the sink with a mirror but for some unknown reason, I've never noticed it. Once he showed me where is it I decide to take a bath there, thinking it would calm me down. The bathroom is tiny, just a bathtub, a white fluffy carpet, a dusty mirror, and a window.

Light is coming from there, hitting the top of my head. Half of my hair and body are wet as I sit still. My torso refuses to move or at least sink the rest so I won't feel cold. I know I have a small amount of time before he chooses to come and I know it will be not enough.

As I press my back to the wall my emotions start to overpower me again. This time much stronger, harder, and faster.

A year before deciding to come into the hospital I was alone to a point where I didn't want to leave my house. The crowds made me scared. Everyone outside was scary. Every time my body had to walk down the street to school or a food store, I felt their judging eyes and mouths. Unfortunately, the city I was in was kind of like a big village. Everyone knew everyone, even if some didn't know their names they for sure have seen their faces millions of times.

All of a sudden my vision gets blurry and I no longer see the wooden wall in front of me. My breaths increase, lips clasping against each other. A single tear rolls down my cheeks. And once it fell the rest follows. My thighs go forward and I press my palms on the cap, head going down. I felt suffocated as all the oxygen had vanished in just seconds.

My blurry vision goes to the water around me. Before thinking twice I slowly immerse myself. The water connects now with every part of me. It is warm and no sound is heard; peace, beautiful peace. I sunk myself even deeper into the bathtub. Soon this is ruined as my body starts to fight for air like it is supposed to. It gets worse as more seconds pass. My body wants to go out and take a big breath but my mind doesn't. I start trashing inside an invisible prison, not taking it anymore. The air is being sucked out of me and still, my mind refuses to make a move and pop out of my head. The warm liquid continues filling up my lungs. When it gushes down inside my lungs it causes me an unfamiliar but intense pain to ricochet off my ribs.

At this moment, I began thinking about happy memories. None shows up. I don't know if it's my mind that no more fully functions or is just that I don't have any. Then as for last time, I try to take a breath but hear something. I see a silhouette through my slight eyes, closing them again I no longer see it and the strength to survive is already gone.

The last thing that crosses my mind is the thought of me being dead before my torso is grabbed and yanked out of the water - the only invisible prison that at this moment can help me escape.

"What the hell?"

I cough as I take large breaths that some are filled with water. My hair is plastered all over my face which makes it harder to inhale. Hands that are on my ribcage lean down to wipe my hair away and finally to breathe is a lot easier now.

"Are you crazy? Why did you do that?"

I cry out loud. His voice was rough and loud. I don't care anymore. My hands tighten their grip, one on the edge of the tub, the other on Ha-Joon's arms. I don't even know when I placed it there. He lowers his head down to mine, our noses touching. I feel them on my waist hugging me. When my breath goes back to normal I realize that I'm naked, more specifically my bare chest is pressed against his covered one. I shudder as I try to back away.

"Don't ever do that again."

Voice stern but you can hear the concern in it. He pulls away and looks at me. "Why did you do that?Why?" He asks again, my hands going to my breasts to cover as much as I can. He clenches his jaw and clasps my chin. In seconds my head is centimeters away from his.

"Please," Pressing a peck to my lips, he begins again. ", don't ever even think about killing yourself. You wouldn't escape me that easily."

edited <3