memories, psych [ 1 ]

015. american duos

They're in the psych office and pulled the armchairs closer to the TV. Vanessa is sat between the two guys as she messes with her hair tie. Gus is eating popcorn and Shawn is sitting in the chair, judging the show and wishing to be doing anything else as they all watch American Duos.

A man and woman are singing "She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain" with the man beatboxing. Next, two Asian guys are up and sing "Ave Maria".

Shawn looks to Gus, wondering how he can like this show. Vanessa glances at Shawn, seeing him looking over in her peripheral vision. He still has the disgusted look on his face and she only shrugs, not understanding what their friend finds so appealing about this show.

The third duo of contestants come up, but don't even get to sing as the judge, Nigel St. Nigel, starts talking.

"You're stiff. Inarticulate. Slightly jaundiced. Asymmetrical. You smell. The one on the right... there's something in your teeth. All in all, I'd say there's absolutely nothing worthwhile about either one of you."

"But we haven't even sang yet." One of the girls says.

"Apples and oranges. Anybody else?" Nigel asks.

"I like 'em." The female judge, Emilina Saffron, says.

"Well, of course you liked them. You've been asleep for the last 45 minutes." Nigel looks to the third judge, Zapato Dulce. "Zapato?"

"Well, I..." Zapato starts.

"Good. Moving on." Nigel cuts him off.

The host shoves the girl off camera.

"Coming up after the break.." The host, Lester, says.

"You see what I mean?" Shawn asks.

"Shh!" Gus shushes.

"You're shushing me for reality TV?" Shawn asks and Gus shushes him again. "Dude."

"Zip!" Gus orders.

"I'm Lester Beacon and this is American Duos." Lester states. Shawn throws a squeaky frog at the TV.

"Rule number one, Shawn, no talking during Duos." Gus says.

"I'm starting to wish you'd watch a spelling bee instead." Vanessa mumbles.

"Oh, for the love of Lori Loughlin. Please use the pause button just once. Why did we get TiVo if we never fast forward and I can't stop for commentary?" Shawn asks.

The phone starts to ring and Shawn goes to reach it, but Gus slaps his hand back down.

"No calls either." Gus says.

"Gus, don't be a rabid porcupine. This is just another knockoff of the other knockoff of the original knockoff of that other show." Shawn says.

"And welcome back to American Duos." The TV says.

"First of all, Shawn. Look at the guy on the right." Gus says.

"Zapato?" Shawn asks.

"He's not black. He's Latino. That's different. The contestants in this one are duos, which makes it way more compelling. They have to mesh, become one soul, like V'ger and Stephen Collins in Star Trek I. And they're shooting in Santa Barbara this year, which more than compensates."

The phone rings again and Shawn grabs it.

"Don't you dare answer that." Gus says.

"Please, answer it." Vanessa says.

"Dude, it's Jules. She could be bleeding and in a ditch." Shawn says.

"She's not bleeding." Gus says.