Idiots Come in Twos | tk.

And They Were Roommates

Jeongguk had never been scared of bowls before, not until then, having a wary staredown with the fishbowl Taehyung had set down on the kitchen table.

It was filled with tiny, folded scraps of paper. Each one contained a kink from either Taehyung, or Jeongguk himself. He was undoubtedly afraid that he would pull a slip that had 'speculum' written on it. Or something worse.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung tapped his nose, an endearing gesture he'd used since the beginning to time to bring Jeongguk back to the present, "why do you look like you just saw your grandma give a strip tease?"

"Fuck off, I don't," Jeongguk muttered, petulantly pouting against the rim of his water cup because, yes, he did, "but what if you have some weird fuckin' kink. Like, I dunno, watersports."

Taehyung had the audacity to look appalled, a hand on his chest and his brows pinched into a semi-frown, "excuse me, there are finer things in life than choking people to death for the sake of sex, and watersports is one of them."

"Are you telling me," Jeongguk started slowly, "that one of those little paper things says watersports on it?"

"Yes."

"I hate you, you are not pissing on me," Jeongguk made to stand up from his seat at the table, but Taehyung, unfortunately way too fucking committed, pulled him back down, "Taehyung, let go."

"Watersports isn't that bad, pussy bitch, so sit down—" he shook around the bowl of forsaken paper slips and Jeongguk, still horrified, watched them move and shuffle about "—and I never explicitly said I would be pissing on you but ok."

Jeongguk picked at a deep scratch on the table, "I'm starting to think I'm pretty vanilla," he threw Taehyung a glare beneath his bangs, "you know, compared to your slut ass."

Taehyung scoffed, "yeah ok, you and your raging daddy kink can shut the fuck up," before Jeongguk could even argue, he decided a real life reenactment via fine-tuned shower performance skills would be suitable, "oh daddy—something like that right—I want your fat cock in my ass so ba—"

Jeongguk took complete satisfaction in kicking the bottom of their shitty linoleum table and watching Taehyung catapult out of his seat to catch the run away fish bowl. He cradled the thing to his chest like a prized possession while shooting Jeongguk what he assumed was supposed to be a venomous glare. He looked like a kicked puppy.

"We wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't decide to watch me get off in the middle of the night," he stuck his tongue out at Taehyung like a five year old and absolutely did not regret it, "fucking perv. Bet you wished it was you."

"That's kind of why we're here."

"You're such a whore," Jeongguk shook his head and took another sip of water, "I can't believe you."

The ruffling of paper commenced and then the forbidden fish bowl was pushing its way to his side of the table with an ugly screech, "draw, bitch," Taehyung wiggled his eyebrows. There was definitely something Jeongguk didn't want to see on one of those slips, and he couldn't help but glance behind Taehyung to see how far the front door was as a worse case scenario.

Jeongguk was convinced there were much better ways to go about kink negotiation, but Taehyung had insisted they took this method. Instead of figuring it out along the way, Taehyung wanted to humiliate him by reading his kinks out loud like an asshole. He plunged his hand into the collection of paper scraps and decided it was best to get it over with. He'd made it that far already.

"C'mon, choose one," Taehyung was a little too eager for Jeongguk's liking, nails tapping rhythmically on the tabletop to channel his excitement. Yeah, there was for sure something freaky he didn't want to see.