James and the Funny Word

Chapter 1 - The Funny Begins

Not all stories end perfectly, but most do.

This story does end perfectly...

...or does it?

It was a wonderful, incredible, AMAZING day on The Island of Sodor as always, and all of the engines were doing the their jobs, because that is literally all they do.

Thomas was pulling his two coaches Annie and Clarabel, Percy was pulling the mail (which on this day was mostly full of YouTuber merch lol), and Toby was snorting bath salts while playing scrabble with Mavis (wow a drug joke already).

While all this stuff was happening, James the red engine, was sitting in a siding near Arlesdale End. 

Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense, that's where Toby lives! Why in the hell is James there? 

Oh wait, is this the start of "the funny"? Silly me of COURSE it is, and it's not like Toby is going to care anyways. Once again, like I stated earlier, Toby was snorting bath salts while playing scrabble with Mavis, and they do that at the quarry, so Toby wouldn't even know.

Anyways, James the red engine was sitting in a siding near Arlesdale End, and he was sleeping like a person who sleeps, cool right?

Wait, James is an engine, so he was sleeping like an "engine" who sleeps. 

Yeah, that makes more sense.

It was a nice sleep, and he was having a nice dream. He dreamed that he was in an episode of the popular game show, Wheel of Fortune. Also, he won! So that's cool I guess. Funnily enough, one of the phrases that was put on the board was "Thomas the Tank Engine" which was under the Fictional Characters category.

Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense, because in this universe, Thomas is a real engine. Oh whatever. Moving on.

Suddenly, Gordon the big engine came barrelling down the line super fast. If you didn't know, Gordon is FEST.

He had a bottle of water in one hand and a bunch of coal in the other. 

Wait a friggin' second, trains don't have hands... or do they? 

I have no clue what is going on anymore in this god-forsaken story. 

...

Well, anyways...

...GORDON CAME DOWN THE LINE AND CRASHED INTO JAMES WITH A MIGHTY, boop. 

"Ouchy wouchy", James and Gordon conveniently said at exact same millisecond in the space-time continuum. They then proceeded to say something completely different from each other. I would tell you what they said, but It's hard to tell what someone says, when someone else says something astronomically different in the exact same frame of time. So let's just say they both said "Baba Booey". 

Just then, Henry passed by with a crap eating grin on his face. James blew his whistle to greet him, but Gordon wasn't very happy. James saw Gordon's face and jokingly said "Throw your water bottle at him Gordon!". Gordon did so. He chucked it like a baseball towards Henry's safety valve, which was very old and needed repairs. Suddenly, Henry imploded into millions of tiny microbes!

Gordon laughed really hard at Henry's predicament. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

That is what he sounded like.

James sat there and said nothing.

...

Within a few hours, Gordon was sent to prison for killing Henry. James went to see the court session play out. James laughed when Gordon lost, and Gordon cried. Even though Gordon was one of James' best friends, he didn't really care that Gordon was going to jail.

"LOL," said James, and he left the court room.

Although, James wasn't grinning for long because Henry was dead now, and it made him very sad.

Later that day, while James was moping around, he saw a piece of paper on the track. It was from Henry?!?!

Dear James,

You probably still think I imploded. NOPE! Did not, I am still alive. If you can find me, I will give you $420 dollars. This paper will have many clues to my location on the back. It'll be like that one board game Duck is always playing. Good luck. 

P.S I'm closer than you think, I am always watching you.

Regards, Henry the green engine (who is not dead and very alive)

James was very, VERY surprised, because he did think that Henry imploded, and he was very confused on how he was still alive somehow. He was also happy too! He also also really wanted the money, because he also also also really wanted to buy a bunch of stuff. 

Here is the list of stuff that James wanted:

- Mario Kart Wii

- A Slurpee from 711

- YouTube Premium

- Discord Nitro

- Express VPN

- Cotton Swabs

- Another Slurpee from 711

- Cooking for Dummies

- M&M's

"I really want that money, because I really want to buy a bunch of stuff. I even made a list of stuff I want", said James excitedly, not realizing that the narrator had just said so about 10 and half seconds prior. 

A few seconds later James heard a CLUNK noise, but he brushed it off, like he did with Gordon going to jail.

He flipped over the paper with his non-existent hands to see the clues, but all he saw was a  word. It was the word...

...buttocks, which took up the whole page. 

James started to laugh hysterically, with no signs of stopping! 

"HAHAHAHA!!! BUTTOCKS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

This was the beginning, of the funny word.