James and the Funny Word

Chapter 10 - James Finds Out

James had a really good friggin' sleep. He woke up quickly.

"GOOOOOOD MORNING!" he shouted with great joy!

It was kind of like the way Chris Pratt said it at the beginning of The Lego Movie.

Now today, was a very important day! It was time to go over to the woods and go open up the safe, and he was ready and raring to go!

James was very excited, he wanted to open it sooooooo freaking badly, like a child that is really excited to open that one really big gift underneath the Christmas tree.

Anyways, he was about half way there when Emily stopped him. 

"Hey James, I got an important question to ask you,"

"Yeah, sure, what's up Emily,"

"Are you... going to be at Henry's funeral,"

James paused. "His what?"

"Henry's funeral, we are having an open casket one, it's what Henry would have wanted,"

Emily pointed to the casket with her non-existent finger and James looked inside.

James couldn't speak, he did not know what to say.

"Oh, by the way James, I heard that Gordon escaped from prison, so watch out for him........... James........ hello?"

James sat there for a straight minute without saying a single god damn word.

"James?" she kept saying over and over, until James finally replied.

"Yeah, I'll be there," and James took off like a rocket.

"Woah," Emily said.

"What the frick what the frick what the frick," said James in his most confused and scared voice ever as he ran towards the house in the woods. When he got there he had utter disbelief. There it was, what once was a beautiful house in the woods, was now a mess of broken wood and a dead Gordon.

"How could this be, what happened... why was Gordon in the house... wait a second!" James went from confused to angry, he had figured it out. "Gordon was Henry all along! What a poo poo head!" Then he noticed that the safe was opened on the ground. "Did the safe have a bomb in it!?! He was trying to KILL ME. WASN'T HENRY ENOUGH YOU PIECE OF ENGINE TRASH!" James began to calm down a little, but he was still angry. "Frick.... you... Gordon... bitch," and he said frick you in whistle language. 

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Translation: frick you!

James began to puff away, but James then remembered something.

Just then, Henry passed by with a crap eating grin on his face. James blew his whistle rudely, "Throw your water bottle at him Gordon!" he said, and Gordon did. He chucked it like a baseball towards Henry's safety valve, which was very old and needed repairs. Suddenly, Henry imploded into millions of tiny microbes.

...

James turned around and looked at Gordon's corpse. 

"Maybe this wasn't your fault," he said.

"No it was totally his fault," said a voice.

"Huh?" said James, and he looked up into the sky and saw Henry as a ghost.

"You didn't know it would kill me James, but Gordon did, he purposely threw the water bottle at my safety valve. The truth is, Gordon has always hated both of us,"

"Well, I hate him now too," replied James, and James' frown turned into a smile, as he turned and puffed away.

"Wait," shouted Henry.

James turned back around.

"Here is something for all of your troubles," and on James' buffer beam appeared $420 dollars.

"Thank you Henry," said James.

...

A few days later James went to Henry's funeral, he really missed him.

James remembered the good times with him and Henry fondly. One of his favourite times with Henry was when they tried cocaine for the first time. He also really like the time where him and Henry watched the Entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in reverse, just for the hell of it. Yeah, Henry was a great friend.

James never told anyone what happened in the woods, or that Gordon was dead, and he thought that it was for the better, because he knew that no one would give a crap anyways.

...

A few years passed since Henry's death.

James was a lot different now. He didn't have his scraggly, annoying voice, it was deep and manly. 

He was very mature too.

He also wasn't as sad anymore, but from time to time he did feel sad when he thought about Henry. 

He had that covered though, as he had something in his cab that he would pull out for these occasions.

It was a piece of paper, and James had wrote something onto it.

James would always get a kick out of it when he saw it.

"Heh," he would chuckle, and then he would put it back in its spot.

Its "spot" was inside of a tiny cupboard that James put other special things in, like photographs, and cool trinkets, and his quarter collection. Somehow though, out of all the stuff in there, that paper was his favourite. On that paper...

...was a very funny word.