Let Life Surprise You

13. The Worst Fear

The next scene is a blur. My surroundings freeze as I dash to grab my bag from my cubicle, sprint to exit the building, and run to the bus stop. With shaking hands, I scroll down my phone screen to find a taxi number while reading the bus timetable at the same time, thinking about which one will bring me faster to the hospital. In the next five minutes, I'm sitting in the backseat of a cab that miraculously showed up when I was still deciding. I can't take a train home anyway. Even though it will bring me faster to my town around this peak hour, my legs and brain would just refuse to function.

After I manage to call Sophie and leave a message for my boss, Max, I begin to usher the driver to go faster and faster. I groan when we have to slow down or stop at the traffic light and cuss every time we bump into another stupid driver.

"I understand that this is an emergency, Ma'am, but please, take a deep breath and calm down. I will take you there as fast as I can without causing another accident," says the driver in front of me, his dark irises eyeing me from the rearview mirror. Irritation and compassion coat his gaze.

The driver's line is like a slap in the face. He's right. I need to control my impulse that has gone through the roof now. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, but all I can see is Chloe's face and I whimper again. Leaning back against the headrest, my eyes are staring blankly at the car ceiling. And for the first time in my life, I say my prayer to all gods that might hear my desperation.

I jump when my phone rings, flashing Sophie's name on its screen.

"I'm in the hospital now. Chloe and all the kids are still inside, getting the emergency treatment, and we're not allowed to come in." Sophie is trying to talk in a calm manner but I know better that she is also shaken. 

"Have you seen her? Is she alright? Is she awake?"

"No, I haven't seen her, Char. I'm not allowed to go inside, remember? I'm in the emergency waiting room now, sitting with other moms. I will update you as soon as I hear something. How far are you?"

"Not that far. I will be there in five or ten minutes tops."

"Okay. I will call Mom and Dad now." With that, Sophie hangs up, taking my last restraint from falling apart. 

I break down and cry.

I whine to lessen the throbbing tightness in my chest. I just want to be with my baby now, holding her hand while she has to go through this painful process. Is she in pain now? Is she scared? Does she need her mama like every other night when she had a nightmare about zombies lurking around inside her wardrobe? 

This is the point where I will do anything to make sure she's alright. This is the point where a mother is willing to give her life for her child.

"We're here, Ma'am." The driver's voice pulls me from my jumbled mind.

After I pay the taxi bill, without bothering to get my change, I sprint to the emergency room. Sophie welcomes me with a tight embrace and we cry together in each other's arms. We don't say a word because we know that all kinds of reassurance lines sound like bullshit right now. Chloe is like a daughter to her and she's as terrified as I am. What we can do is wait in silence, facing our fear together.

Other parents, whose kids were also on the same school bus, don't look anything better than we are. They sit on their chairs, fidgeting, faces as white as sheets, looking defeated. A few even sit alone and sob silently. I know it's not the right time to say it, but I'm so blessed to have a supportive sister who always shows compathy through my hard times.

After fifteen minutes which feels like forever, the emergency door swings open. A nurse, whose clothes have some bloodstains on, mentions a name, followed by a couple getting up and striding inside. The next thing I hear is an agonizing howl from the woman and we all know what that means.