p.s. written in blue ink | sal fisher

the one where you died but you lived

You removed your earbuds, music fading as you sat up and peered around the yard. No one was calling you, but you could've sworn you'd heard someone...

Something felt off, the strange sensation leaving behind an itch you couldn't scratch as you tried to piece it all together. You didn't know why, everything seemed normal as you idled there, sunbathing.

After all that rain last night, you didn't expect to find a dry knoll to rest on, but you had. It overlooked the wall of stones separating the backyard slope from the river. You were playing around with Alex below it just the other day along this muddy strip of sand that had stolen your flip-flops more than once. It was fun. Childish, but fun.

You didn't get that often with all the shit you dealt with at school. Cheerleading and keeping your popularity streak high leeched any time left over from doing actual school. Not caring for a bit and just goofing off in a sorry excuse for sand did you good.

Now that very same shoe-stealing strip had sunk below the surface, the water has risen from the storm. The rushing rapids were louder than you recalled, more daunting and swollen with fever. You loved the river, you did, but...

Well, like you said before, something felt off.

"Are you seriously going to just sit here?"

You rolled your eyes at the judging tone. It was laced with annoyance and maybe a tinge of disappointment, so why was your heart beating so fast? And were your eyes watering? If it was guilt, it could fuck right off. You had spent all day in the river with him yesterday.

"I want to listen to my music," you said, lying back down and fixing your sunglasses over your eyes. You felt Alex's shadow fall over you, paying him no mind. That itch grew into a rash, irritating every train of thought. "I got bruised to shit yesterday because of you."

"Come on, it's our last day here. I already blew up the floats."

"Mom said not to go out today after the storm last night. You're gonna get in trouble," you sang.

"More water just means we can avoid that rocky part better, dipshit," he crooned fondly.

"Whatever, dickhead," you crooned back lovingly, chin going side to side as you tilted your head back. "I almost cracked my skull open yesterday. I'm not going."

"God, you're so boring!"

Jesus Christ, why did you feel like someone was screaming at you? Was it the neighbors?

"Do you hear something?" you asked, sitting up again. You removed your sunglasses to gaze up at your brother. He met your question with a raised eyebrow, his face twisting in confusion as he turned his head to listen. Your eyes filled with water again as you watched his face. Maybe it was allergies.

"No, all I hear is that shit you call music." He looked back at you, smug at his teasing before blinking, the smirk dropping into a frown. "Are you crying?"

"No," you scoffed, turning away. "My eyes are super dry or something. They keep watering up—"

"Hearing things, now you're crying. You're a weirdo, sis."

You laid back down with a scoff.

"Suck a fat toe. Have fun busting a lip on the bank."

"I love you, too," he laughed heading down towards the river. You flinched, chest constricting.

"Wait!"

Alex paused, turning around to look at you.

"What?"