music and other poetic shit

Heather - Conan Gray

hard to explain this one, but here we go.

-

Sad.
this is obviously a sad song.
why is it so... emotional to me though?
why do i feel like crying while listening to it?
i can't explain it...
i just... want to cry.
ive never been rejected, or even fallen in love, so why?
why does it hurt so bad?
why.

Fall.
When was it?
late july?
early august?
thats when i started having thoughts,
about maybe,
just maybe,
i could be bi.

Realization.
not sleeping for days, staying up listening to the rain.
the thunder.
no sleep.
none of it.
watching the cartoon.
all of the episodes.
why was i so obsessed with some random disney channel show?
repeating that same stupid song, over and over again.
'little miss perfect.'
'little miss perfect.'
'little miss perfect.'
lyrics.

Crying.
why was i crying? i dont even know.
i can't remember. 
all i know is those weeks were the last times i was happy.
i was blushing.
why?
i havent seen him in months.
he probably doesnt even remember me.
i always thought i had a crush on him, then the more i thought about it, it could have been gender envy.
but... maybe it was a crush.
how could someone have a crush on someone i havent seen in more than a year?

Rain.
why does it keep coming back,
why does the rain keep coming back.
drop.
drop.
continuing.
what significance to rain does heather have?
rain.
rain.
it keeps pouring.
never stopping.

Overwhelmed.
breathing short.
short of breath.
breathe.
let me breathe.
scared.
happy?
what is this feeling?
i cant tell if its a bad feeling...
maybe a good one?
im not happy, but not exactly sad.
i want to cry.
but im not sad.
repeating.
no stopping.
overwhelmed,
but not overly overwhelmed.
only a little bit.

(314 words [my lucky number])