Heartless// General Kirigan

4; if he had asked

              The ride back to Os Alta was long, leaving the tenth village without her reminds him of his failure. Gone to Saints knows where, she's practically a ghost. There was word of a woman travelling with Fjerdan's, but when Ivan reported back he knew, not his Mashka. It cost him a month, searching for her for a full month. The ride back shadows follow him, announcing him wherever he goes. Dismounting the horse he sighs, it was hers. Part of him had hoped that by riding her horse it would be a beacon. 

      When he first woke without her he thought nothing of it, it wasn't until the afternoon he realized something was terribly off. He's been trying to find her ever since, he's had theories on where she could have gone. Captured, but how inside of the palace? For a while he assumed she'd been playing a game, cold feet before the wedding. That she would come back when she was ready. But as it went on he knew, she had left, and with help. It seemed as if all her possessions were in place, all besides her. She seemed to know where he would go first, as soon as he thought he caught a glimpse of insight she was gone again. 

      Whatever game his Mashka was playing, she was winning. 

"No sign of her?" Turning around he should have known it would be his mother to see him back to the little palace. 

      Shaking his head he takes off his riding gloves. "Don't act so sad mother." 

"She did make you smile, I'll give her that." Refusing to speak anymore on the subject he turns around. 

     Before he enters the palace she calls out to him once more. "It's best you leave her like this." 

      Pausing at the entrance he turns to face her once again, when all he see's is just darkness. It was then he knew exactly how his Mashka escaped. 

~ 

       Tracking was never her strong suit, but damn if eight years in Fjerda never taught her some tricks. It was only day three, it would take her another two to reach the herd. In the last eight years Mashka's only used her abilities four times. Knowing it would paint a target on her back she decided long before she docked in Fjerda that she would no longer be what she once was, and that in part included Grisha.

         She knows Druskelle know these woods like second nature, even heating herself up is a death sentence she wasn't willing to risk. Putting on a brave face she clutches onto the trees in front of her. Thankful for the snowfall that covers her footprints she digs her foot into her ground. Catching herself before she tumbles she stops for a moment. The air was so sharp it stings as she fills her lungs.

          Parts of her want to blame him, want to blame him for all that he's done. Then a small, more quiet side of her brain tells her it was her who ran away. They were to be married the same week, but she chose this for herself. A life of secrets, hiding. But then again so did he. The scariest thought is not of all of what she was told about, but the fact that she might have been willing to stay, if he had asked. 

      With more grip she treks up the icy hill, noticing now the Ravkan boarder. This was only step one of her mission, the next part would be the worst of it. Killing the stag, so that Aleksander wouldn't be able to use it himself. Her letter didn't say how he's sent for it, but she should have known. 

      Mashka didn't want the power, not anymore. She's seen power, she has been powerful. Next to the all mighty General Kirigan, loving him by proxy made you powerful. At first she thought maybe that's what she wanted, for Aleksander to see her as his equal. But he always treated her as such, from early on he always respected her, that was the worst of it. Leaving knowing what he's done, the lies only made it more confusing. Weeks she lied awake wondering if he even loved her at all, or was marrying the best heartrender in Ravka all he was after? But then she would catch him, small moments where she knew she didn't conjure them up. She had killed for him, and he had done the same. 

        Tracking the stag was part of a once a year excursion, every year she tracked it, making sure he wouldn't be the one to have found it. If he's looking for it, with news of a sun summoner it could only mean awful things. Oksana would let her have two weeks off every year, and this trek is the one she would make. 

       Thought of Oksana brings a tear to her eye, she wipes it away quickly before it freezes. She loved Oksana and her children, Oksana's husband passed only a month before Mashka arrived in Fjerda. Oksana was all alone with three children, so it became the five of them against the world. 

      Up to her knees she's pushing through the snow, once she reaches the top of this hill she'll settle for the night. Cursing all that is holy she pulls herself up the mountain side. Fjerda in the summer was beautiful, things bloom and burst with colour for a few short months. Mashka thinks of all the colours as she hikes herself up this damn tundra.  Thinks of Varia, Korina, and Josev's faces. Every weekend she woke to one of their smiles over her, insisting on playing with her right away. It would be weird not returning to them once her quest is over. 

     It would be odd being in Ravka once again, the thought makes her shiver. There were privileges she's missed over the years, but when she realizes who she became she isn't so sure she wants to go back to her old life. Though it wasn't possible, there was no way she could just waltz into the Little Palace and demand to be seated next to their General. She was once very respected in Os Alta, it was something she prided herself on. Now it would be something she still has pride in, and it was going to be something she would have to rely on. 

      Stopping she almost collapses, she's reached the top of the hill. With a sigh she smiles at the sight of solid ground, it wouldn't be long now. Placing her pack down she works on setting up her tent. She's gotten it down to a ten minute skill. 

       Placing the final nail into the ground she shoves herself inside. It was well past dark, though the snow makes everything a bit lighter. It's why she wanted to get married when the snow would be on the ground. Lighting a small lamp she places it in the middle of her tent, shoving a blanket of furs over her. Oksana made it for her six years ago. 

      Finally letting her tear fall she goes to turn the lamp off, once she's about to blow it out she stops. Mashka wishes she could say she wasn't afraid of the dark, but it would be a lie. Perhaps it wasn't of the dark but of what hides inside the shadows. Ever since leaving there's nights she can't bring herself to blow out the lights, knowing if she had kept it on there would be evidence he was near. 

       With a shuddering breath she casts the light away. 

~ 

HI! shorter chapter, we got on the road Mashka, and on the road Kirigan. How do you think Mashka was able to get away? Was she the woman with the Fjerdans? We learn that Mashka has been tracking the stag for years! Very exciting to finally merge into the show plot soon! 

-julianna 

p.s. gif is Mashka