𝑬𝒉𝒔𝒂𝒂𝒔 𝑬 𝑼𝒍𝒇𝒂𝒕 (𝑩𝒐𝒐𝒌 1)

Beholding Trust - Part 5

Beholding Trust

Part 5

The words the she spoke were true but he knew that they weren't the only words that she had spoken. The hidden meanings behind those words that she couldn't speak were something he wanted to know.

"I.. am.. Scared to lose.." her words were mixed with tears. The tears were an expression of her unsaid pain. She was shivering in his arms. His continuous comfort was not even providing her the desired comfort. He drew her closer to him and kissed her forehead. Even his eyes were red seeing her pain.

"Asbah I know it's difficult, I know what you are feeling. I know what you fear. But it's a part and parcel of life meri jaan. Jo log hame chodke chale gaye hume unhe apni achi yaadon mein rakhna chahiye." His every word was so true. She was still crying, the tears were flowing but the calmness that his words were providing slowly was making her burden lessen.

She snuggled close to him, hiding herself in him, trying to absorb his each and every fiber. The tears were still flowing and he could feel the same wetness that till now he had seen in her pillow but the difference was her pain was making him numb slowly. It was making him grieve without even knowing the cause of his grievance.

"Asbah look at me," he called her but she didn't listened. Shahyaan carefully palmed her face and kissed her forehead. He had never seen her so open, this was the first time in their four month old mariage that he was holding her close, the closeness that was not superficial. He found himself basking in her trust and confidence that she trusted him enough to share her tears with him.

"Asbah koi dukh itna bada nahi hota ki uske liye khud ko dard diya jaye." His words were deep and he was not sure if she would be able to understand. For the first time she answered, the words that made him realise what she wanted.

"Agar aapki sabse pyari cheez aapse cheenli jaaye toh aap kya karenge Shahyaan. Ek aisi cheez jiske bina aap na ji sakte hain na hi mar sakte hain. Aap mar bhi nai sakte Shahyaan... jab aapko kisi ka har pal khayal rehta hai aur wo aapke paas na ho tab kya karenge." Her words didn't make any sense to him at that moment.

She parted herself from him but he did not let her. She did not look at him. She was scared he might know the truth. Her guilty self was making her cry now. She had cheated him. He was still unaware of the truth that was a reality of her life. Her expectant eyes were still seeking some solace in the terms of words. She could not bear anymore.

Her mother's words echoed whenever she tried to talk to Shahyaan.

"Asbah wo kabhi accept nai karega beta. Zaara is not his. Asbah it's difficult for a man to accept the child of some other person. Asbah hamari baat maan jao. Hum hain na zaara ka khyal rakhne ke liye."

Her mother's words echoed and the pain in her heart multiplied many folds. It was such a heart-wrenching situation for her. She had left her little baby and she knew that there would never be any hope for her.

She will not have any relationship with her own daughter, the one she gave birth too.

Shahyaan was amazed listening to her words. He still could not make what she wanted to tell but all he knew that she was having a certain craving in her life.

The craving that is needed to be fulfilled.

He again wiped the tears that escaped from her eyes. She was not crying but the tears were constantly calling from her eyes. She was in pain. However, it was not any physical pain that was there in her life.

"Asbah may I ask you something about Asif?" Shahyaan asked her first. He knew that things and talks like this could hurt her deep.

She may not be comfortable in talking about the past. Even though he had a similar experience but his was having an altogether different experience.