He Said | Matthew Gray Gubler

Drunken Night

September 14, 2008
Austin, Texas
10:35pm

Davina Hayes

"Wooooo party!" I shouted throughout my hotel room. The Criminal Minds cast flew to Texas to see my show and now we're partying in mine and Matthews hotel room suite. Somehow, Margot got the memo and invited herself. I'm not gonna let her presence ruin my night though.

"Slow down babe, you can't have too many. Remember, you have another show tomorrow and the hangover is gonna be a pain." Matthew told me, taking the drink outta my hand.

"Boo, buzzkill." I replied. He rolled his eyes and walked away to conversate with the cast and I snuck away and downed another shot.

I walked back to where everyone is and wrapped my arms around Matthews neck and put my face in his neck and peppered kisses.

"We're getting married in two weeks, how are you feeling?" I asked him. I may be drunk, but my mind is sober.

"It's surreal, but I wouldn't have it any other way." He says and kisses me. I couldn't help myself, so I deepened the kiss.

I didn't care who was watching. I love this man so much. Despite what he's done, I love him at the end of the day. I could never stop loving him.

I hear the cast cheering in the background and I pulled away and smiled at him. In the corner of my eye, I see Margot giving us a death stare. She can't destroy my night. I turn and give her a smirk and she looked at me with widen eyes.

Like she knows.

"Look guys, it's getting late. And like Matthew said, I have a show tomorrow and this hangover isn't gonna be pleasant. So I'm heading to bed and I'm taking him with me. Feel free to stay, there's plenty of room. Goodnight." I drunk said to them and dragged Matthew with me, by his tie. I could barely walk straight, I kept stumbling over my own feet so he carried me to the room.

As he gently placed me on the bed, my body shook me awake. I was still holding onto Matthews tie, so I pulled him into me and smashed my lips on his.

We started making out, but he pulled away.

"Not tonight baby, you're not in the right state of mind-" I shut him up by grabbing his face and kissing him again. This time he didn't obliged.

***

3:00am

Davina Hayes

I wake up to use the bathroom, only to realize that Matthew isn't next to me in bed. As I flush the toilet and head back to bed, I hear muffled moaning.

Maybe it's someone from the cast.

I tip toe to the room I hear it coming from. The moaning stops, and now I hear talking, well whispers.

"Mmm, bad boy Matthew. Coming into my room for more pleasure after he finished off with his wifey. I like this side of you." I hear Margot saying to him.

I hear Matthew sobbing.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

"I don't know why I keep doing this with you and keep doing this to her. My god, we're getting married in two weeks."

"Only NOW you're starting to realize? Jeez."

"I love her. But it's something about you, I don't know what it is, but I can't get enough of you no matter if I push you away."

"Yeah I get that." She said giggling.

I walked back to my room, had enough of listening in to their conversation. As my head hit the pillow, I felt the bed sink, knowing it's Matthew.

He places his head in my neck and I felt his tears. He holds me tightly and whispers..

"I love you Dee, I never wanna lose you. But I've done something that's unforgivable and I know that my days are being counted and soon you're gonna leave me and I'm not ready for that day. I can't prepare myself. Oh god, Dee please forgive me. I don't want you to slip from me. You deserve someone better and I wish I was him. I know you're gonna find someone else and when that day comes, it's gonna hurt so much, but I know you'll be fine and I'll be happy for you even though deep down it's gonna feel like I died. But I hope one day, there will be a gravitational pull between us and we'll find each other again. No matter how long that will be, I'll wait for you." He says and kisses my forehead. He lets go of me and turns away from me and went to sleep.

I heard every word.

Felt every word.

This was his final goodbye to me.

I cried myself to sleep that night.