Daughter of the Refuge

Chapter Fifteen

Caz woke up in a cold sweat, her body trembling as her mind strained to pull her back in time. She glanced around the room, a blinding headache making it a challenge to focus on anything. Pulling herself out of bed, she made her way to her bedroom door and eased it open. She silently exited the room, walking down the hall toward the Lodging House kitchen. 

Navigating her way through the dark was simple, but keeping her thoughts at bay was far more demanding. A snore from one of the boy's room sliced through the air, pulling at a memory of the wails of pain from the Refuge. The shifting of the old floor boards lining the halls brought back the sound of the boots against wood as the guards changed shifts for the night. 

She ran a hand over her arms which were now covered in goosebumps. Her body shivered, but it wasn't from the cold. 

When she finally reached the kitchen, she grabbed a cup and filled it with water, sighing in relief as the ice cold liquid washed down her throat. She quickly splashed water onto her face before leaning against the counter, her breathing uneven.

A tear slipped unwillingly from her eyes and she slammed them closed, hoping to stop the rest of them from falling. 

She had tried her best. She was trying her best, but the memories refused to be detained. During the day, she managed to forget about the horrible time she spent in the Refuge surrounded by her family, but when she closed her door at night and the darkness encased her, the memories seeped into her sleep, invading her dreams and transforming them into the nightmares she faced behind the walls of that cursed building. She hardly ever slept anymore, too afraid of what she would see to allow rest to claim her. 

Caz covered her mouth and let a soft sob to escape her lips. She slid to the floor, the emotional drainage becoming too much for the girl to handle. 

The soft footfalls of an approaching figure fell against Caz's ear, and she jerked her head toward the noise, surprise and confusion that someone else would be up this late. She sucked in a deep breath, scrubbing at her cheeks to erase the tear stains in hopes that the person wouldn't clue in to her purpose for sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor at two in the morning. She went to stand up, face whoever had entered, a cover story already forming in her mind. 

"Don't," a familiar voice said softly, pressing a hand to her shoulder and gently easing her back down to the floor. He too dropped in front of her, his deep brown eyes meeting her's with genuine heartbreak. 

"Alby-" She started. 

"Please don't lie ta me," he whispered, the dejection in his tone silencing the girl. "What's goin' on Cassandra?"

"I-" She paused, her shoulders dropping in exhaustion. She wanted so badly to lie, to say that everything was fine, but she couldn't. Not anymore. Not with his deep brown eyes pinning her to the floor with the worry and concern they held. So with a single sigh, she whispered the truth, "I can't escape it."

"Escape what?" He asked encouragingly.

"Da Refuge." He let out a deep sigh, dismay at the fact that his guess had been correct and anger at himself that he hadn't noticed before now. He pulled the girl before him into a hug and she immediately settled against his chest, pressing her cheek into his shoulder. 

"Da memories are so real," she mumbled. "All I hear is noises from dat place. And the darkness-" she shuttered, causing his heart to clench at her fear "-it's awful."

"Caz, I'm so sorry." He had no clue what to say. The girl in his arms was not the same girl who had stood up to the scabs outside the distribution square, or stood up to Spot Conlon when everyone else would have rather drowned themselves in the Brooklyn River. She wasn't the same girl who had convinced half the Newsies that Jack had been trying to protect them, and she wasn't the same girl who tried day and night to create a plan that would break her brother out of the Refuge until he was sitting at her side, laughing with the rest of them. She was afraid, and she was hurting, and Albert had no clue how to help her.