there is only us | wilbur soot x reader

Chapter 3 - Drowning

(Y/n) POV

I was running.

From what, I wasn't sure. Something dark and foreboding lurked at the other end of this long, winding hallway, and I could feel it in my bones. My feet pounded into the ground, my screams bouncing off the walls as I fled the castle. I ran through the wooden paths that spread out across the entirety of my country, and the evil feeling followed me through the villages. It was gaining on me with every passing second. The lanterns that once swayed in the gentle wind now rocked violently in the wind.

In the corner of my eye, I saw black tendrils swirling around me and reaching out to the edges of my nightgown. I was barefoot, but I couldn't bring myself to care. The only thing that mattered was getting away. My sides screamed out in pain, stitches bringing me to a halt. I cursed under my breath, wishing I had paid more attention to my brother's cardio lessons. Since I had not been able to take them myself, I had to sit in and observe Clay's.

But stopping was a mistake.

I paused momentarily to catch my breath, and the monster I was so afraid of was on top of me now. It enveloped all of my senses, swirling around me fast and furiously. I tried to breathe, but my lungs filled up with water. Bubbles flew out of my mouth and into the air. I was drowning, and I wasn't even underwater. I wish I was stronger.

No. Keep running.

I was running uphill now, out of breath but unable to gasp for air. I was drowning, not only literally but also metaphorically. All of the feelings I thought I had bottled up and thrown away came rushing back, weighing down onto my chest. There was a lump in my throat that was impossible to swallow, the one I always get when holding back tears. But what good would tears do, when I was surrounded in this lake of them? Were they my own tears, or the ones of my people, with lives more difficult than mine?

I didn't know. I had a feeling the majority of them were mine, but no one could ever know that. If a queen is not strong, then her kingdom must be weak. I have to be strong. Especially now. But I am not strong enough. I never was. I have been thrust into a role I do not want. One that would be much better suited for my brother, or his friends. They know more than I ever will, even though I have spent the past twenty-three years training for this.

People must think I have had it easy. And I probably have. I have grown up without a care in the world, completely and utterly oblivious to the hardships of everyone else in the Dream SMP. I feel guilt and shame. I wept over my brother leaving me for a few hours, saddened because I was so obsessed with my reputation. Some have mentioned my coddled upbringing, saying that I have no idea what the world is really like. It always felt like a slap to the face, not only because it was an insult but also because it was true. But I would simply laugh it off, saying something about that being Clay's responsibility before finding a way to quickly excuse myself from the conversation. Now I wonder how that must have looked to everyone else, dumping all my responsibilities of being queen onto my younger brother.

Afterward, Clay would always find me and reassure me that I was doing more than enough, that I was helping my country as a wonderful ruler, leading with a gentle hand of acceptance and compassion. I think he could see the doubt on my face, realize that I was fully buying what he told me. I was never as good with the whale masking thing. He would tell me that any other ruler before me would have their head for such disrespect.

But that only made it worse. Then I would feel like a pushover, without the backbone required to be a good queen.

The ground faded to grass, bringing me out of my head long enough to realize that the cloud was gone, and with it the feeling of drawing and desperation. Maybe it had deemed its job done, happy with the damage it had dealt. Satisfied with the way it sent me spiraling into the cold clutches of self-doubt and despair.