there is only us | wilbur soot x reader

Chapter 21 - The Middle

Wilbur POV

It had been 96 days since I lost almost everything.

I had made a list in my head, of all the things I still had.

Fundy. Tommy. Tubbo. Niki. My sword. My mind.

The list of things I had lost was much longer. I'll spare you the lecture and list the biggest ones.

(Y/n). L'manberg. My people. My home. My pride. (Y/n). 

I did not go a single day without feeling each loss. It wasn't always obvious in the moment, but when I laid awake into ungodly hours of the night, picking apart my day, they returned to me like punches to the gut.

Every time I glanced at my tattered uniform, tucked deep into my bag, I felt the loss of my country. Every time I ventured out into the woods and returned to this stony ravine, I felt the loss of my home. Every time I looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of a scrawny boy with nothing but a L'manberg pin on his lapel and hollowed cheeks, I felt the loss of my pride, the loss of myself. I looked in the mirror and fought the urge to shatter it, to let the fractured pieces slice my palms and remind me of who I once was.

But most of all? Every time I sat down for dinner with nothing to offer but a few measly loaves of bread and a rare chicken breast, I could hear her in my head. Every time I tossed and turned and listened to my trembling breaths, unable to forget every one of my failures, I heard her, clear as day.

I remembered it all. She was happy and smiling in my memories, reading to Tubbo and saving Tommy. She was looking up at me like I was enough, like I deserve to be looked at and trusted. It was one of the only things that pushed me through the day.

But at night, all I could hear was her voice, laced in hurt and venom. It haunted my dreams and followed me into consciousness.

Maybe you're not worth it.

I reminded myself every time; she apologized. She didn't mean it. I am worth it.

But she was not around to confirm it, and on the worst days, it felt childish to believe I could be worth anything.

It was on the worst days when I was truly angry. I was mad at myself, mostly. It was my fault. (Y/n) and her trust and forgiveness and everything she had stood for had left a gaping hole in my heart. I had let her in unknowingly, and I had let her leave just as easily.

Maybe, I thought, maybe if I fought harder. Maybe if I held on longer. Maybe if I was stronger or better, she would still be here to help me make sense of all of this, to help me through whatever came next.

But she was not here. She had left and I watched her go, and now she was gone and it was all my fault.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

95 days ago, the Dream SMP Royal Guard had arrived at L'manberg's walls, and chaos broke out.

It seemed hopeless. Tommy, Tubbo, and I had all been severely injured. Tommy could barely walk, Tubbo could barely breathe. Our general was gone, lost to the wind, and I couldn't open my eyes, let alone lead. That left... no one.

There was no one to protect L'manberg, and the Dream SMP exploited that weakness. They demanded entry, and when they did not receive it, they took it by force. They blew open the gates and fighting broke out. But my soldiers were weary and alone, and theirs were the strongest of all.

They came for the hospital first. They blew it to the ground and tore down the rubble with their bare hands. They looked for bodies, and there were plenty. Too many. But not the ones they wanted.