Maya's stories

Nathan Harvey (Part 2)

After the exams, I went for a 2 months holiday during summer break and we didn't really talk once. I tried to msg him on facebook but he never reply. Though.. there was this one time where he messaged me in the middle of nowhere

"Wanna have sex with me"
What?
Well yea, sure, this is what I've been thinking about.
Wait, what?
What the actual fuck? Why did he say that?
"What the heck??" I sent. So many questions came up in my head. Is he fooling with me? Cause he know I like him?

Two weeks later he said "I got hacked lol".
That's all? I mean I guess it's probably not your fault but that's all I get? Not even a sorry? What?

When the holiday finished, I came back to school, tried to say hi to him every time I see him but he just ignored me. We didn't have any classes together that year anymore and he was doing courses, so my chance of seeing him was lessen everyday.

Later on I even found out that he unfriended me on facebook. I didn't understand at all. I was really confused.
What did I do wrong?

I cried on a guy for the first time in my life. I cried so much. I was kinda hung on to him for no reason.
I know it's really stupid the fact that we weren't even friends. But I didn't know better. My heart didn't know better.
No matter how much it hurts, the crush grew bigger and bigger everyday.

It was so scary that I decided to ignore it for a while. I did anything I could just to get him out if my mind. Hang out with different people, meet different guys. But all I felt in my heart was..

"Then months passed, I decided to just tell him and ask him out. I mean what can possibly I lose, he could just say no, who cares. So after days and days of practicing and convincing myself, I finally did.

As soon as I saw him, I took a deep breath and came up to him ignoring how he was surrounded by his friends, ignoring how embarrassing it would be if I get rejected . Oh god I can do this.
"Hi..umm..can I talk to you?" - quietly, I tapped his shoulder.
He looked up at me. I soon turned around slowly and started walking, turning my head back making sure he followed me.
There's no one else around, good.
Take a deep breath Maya, you can do it.

"I just wanted to tell you that I like you and maybe...umm we can hang out sometime". I shrugged.
'Oh shit oh shit he's going to say no' I was screaming in my head.

"I'm kind of busy this week.." he said.
'Oh no oh no' I freaked out.
"Idk if you want to" I mumbled, shrugging again.
"..but I'm free this weekend" he told me as I was looking at him with puppy eyes.

"So... I guess I'll msg you on facebook" I said awkwardly didn't know what to do. I was probably blushing too.
"Yea, msg me on fb" he was really awkward too. (as always)
As we parted, I slipped out a small "thank you".
Gosh what the heck. How awkward can I be? Honestly? Thank you? Urgh.
But at the time, I didn't really mind. My mind was blank. I was so happy that I ran around the school till I could actually come back to reality. I never believe something like that could happen to me, for me. Ever.

But..
Days later, I was stuck in my mind thinking when and how should I message him. Urg why didn't I tell him to message me instead? Why didn't I plan the date before asking him? Urrgg you dummy. Guess I didn't really think of that possibility huh..

"Hey!" Here we go
"R u free this sat :)"
"yeah probs free" he sounds..chill.
"Do you wanna hang out :)"
Stop with the smiley face honestly.
"sure"
Yay!! Everything is going..um..great!
Before I can ask if he want to go grab a movie, he sent
"Do you smoke weed?"
'What? What is he talking about?'
I mean, I heard from friends that he does and i don't really care, but isn't it a bit too weird to ask that someone who just confessed to you? or anyone at all?
"No..not really" i said.

I tried to brush it off and asked him if he still want to do something. But he never replied.

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UPDATE 25/10

Once again. I had to walk on the same path working on forgetting him and whatever even happened between us. Brush them off. Brush them all off.
I was tired. No, I was exhausted.
I didn't even want to make effort to move on or just to have my mind on anyone else.

After nearly 3 months. After putting everything in my mind together locking them up. I woke up this morning thinking about him. Thinking about how coward I was, and how annoying his silence is. As usual, I grabbed my phone, about to write some of my thoughts out.

But instead, today, I decided to send it to him.
"Look. I really did like you a lot. And if you can't see it, thats your loss. So fckin sorry that I don't smoke weed."
There. I said it. Finally after 3 months, my coward self said it. Expecting him so keep his silence again, I putted my phone away about to take a shower.

Buzzzzz. I heard my phone. Oh crap. Oh crap.
I got a msg back from him straight away.
"I dont even smoke weed?
And thanks, but sorry I just dont feel the same you do to me. And im moving to aus in 3 weeks so it wouldn't work."

I didn't know how to feel. Should i be sad? I felt nothing. I mean, as if I didn't already knew that. I've known from the start.

He never likes me. He never does. It was just me being overly dramatic and paranoid. But well, all I wanted was an answer, and there, I got it.

He said he's sorry for not telling me straight away. Said "thank you" and talked about how he'll work and move in with his sister. He sounded nice.

Wait a second..Did he just say aus? Like as in Australia?? Are you kidding me? Cause that's where i'm moving next year...
Dear whoever doing this, its not funny, at all.

But then i mean, Australia is a big country, we might be in different cities. And it's not like I'm stalking him or anything.

Not wanting to seem like a stalker, I told him thats where I'm going as well. I know, logic right? But I guess, better let him know now than later.
"Beside, I dont like u anymore so dont worry :P"
I lied. Or maybe i didn't. We talked casually for a bit then I told him I got to go.

"Wait. Hold up." I said. What do i have to lose?
"One more question"
"yes"
"Why did you unfriend me?" . . "Im cool with all the reasons so hit me"
I somehow felt a bit nervous.
"I don't even remember unfriending you haha I was gonna ask the same question"
"Haha I don't think I would unfriend you in my sleep."

I never talked to him since. We didn't get chance to see each others as well. He was leaving. And I was too busy with my senior year. I didn't add him back on facebook though. I don't know what I was waiting for. But thought since my heart still have the fading picture of him inside, I didn't want any interact with him at all. Not that I hated him or anything, I just wanted to set myself free.

Maybe one day I'll send him a message. Maybe one day we'll meet again. Maybe one day to me he'll be just any other guy.
Until then, until I'm ready.

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