I hate you (except I don't) //Woosan ff

ten

It had been three weeks sense I had moved in with San. Jihoon had been apartment hunting a couple times but the dreams of my own home again would have to stay dreams until I got a few more paychecks. 

It had taken a long time and a lot of threatening to convince the guys at work I wasn't hooking up with my boss. and once the news quieted down, I was able to fall back into something similar to normal life.

If that was even a real thing anymore.

another thing I noticed was that I didn't hate him anymore. It had taken a while, that was until the one night-

(Trigger warning, if you are triggered by self harm/cutting I suggest you skip this part. please reach out to me if you need help or just want to talk)

I hadn't been able to sleep (as usual). so I had wandered down the stairs to get myself some tea. I sat down there for a little while drinking my tea, everything was great, everything was fine. Until I started thinking.

I was thinking back on the time when I first met Donghyun. I had been in the bathroom at the retirement center I was volunteering at. That was back when I used to cut, and I had been having a hard time.

with my family,

with being alone,

with life.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to self-harm in an old persons home when I was supposed to be smiling and helping grandmas get over there kids who would never visit.

But there I was. in one of the stalls,  watching the blood drip out of my wrists and into the toilet bowl. I wasn't crying.

I wasn't sad.

Then I heard the door open, and someone was standing above me. It was him. I knew him from school, he was handsome, popular, athletic. and he was volunteering too.

The details after that were fuzzy. I remember him crouching beside me with a serious look on his face. He showed me his arm where scars like mine were now fading from time. he explained to me how he used to self-harm in high school because of being bullied for his sexuality. 

How he thought hurting himself would help him forget about others hurting him. 

He hugged me. I remember crying then.

It was weird being hugged.

Sitting there with my tea I looked down at my wrists, the scars were there. But they weren't red like they used to be, time was taking its tole.

I hadn't cut sense that day.

That's when I broke down at Sans kitchen island. Donghyun, the only person who made me believe I was worth a shred of worth, left me just like everyone else did.

Maybe I was really worthless after all.

But then San came downstairs, and just like that time with Donghyun I didn't really remember it anymore. even though it was only a few days ago. but I do remember a few things.

I remember him taking me into his arms.

I remember him whispering to me softly that he was there. that he was listening to me.

I remember him brining my wrist up to his lips and kissing the scars there softly. 

and I remember falling for him, ever so slightly. 

The next day the two of us didn't talk about it, we didn't need to. we also began to eat lunches together during work. 

I wasn't really sure what had happened, but we were.. I guess friends. strangely.  

Maybe he was more than just a stupid, smooth talking, annoying, bossy, arrogant fuckface. 

maybe.

I guess we'd just have to see.