Centre of the Storm

Chapter Three: It All Fell Down

A/N: hope everyone is enjoying this story so far, there's gonna be more action in this chapter

The day had passed since I had left the little basement underneath the building, yet now I had two things weighing on my mind.
For starters, there was the whole weather situation, and now I couldn't stop thinking about Beatrix and the way her eyes seemed to pierce right through me, in a way that seemed so intimate, like she could see everything, like she could really see me.

Even though I had only spoken to her once, even the thought of her made me feel vulnerable. I hated feeling vulnerable, and usually I would avoid anyone who made me feel like that, but for some reason all I wanted to do was seek her out.

I had seen her once before, smoking on the roof of the orphanage just a week ago, but I hadn't known it was her. Now that I had met her, looking back it had to have been. I couldn't think of anyone else with that shade of hair.

I was sitting in my room, flipping through some romance novel Alyssa had lent me, insisting I read. She usually read the typical ones about a woman who was sweet, naive, and virginial, and she met some tough "damaged" guy she had to fix, who manipulated her and flipped his shit if she looked in the direction of another man, but this one was different. It also had a manipulative love interest, but the main character wasn't much better. She was standoffish and had a bit of a mean streak, and they both kept millions of secrets from each other. I didn't see it lasting.

I turned the page, and saw a sticky note with pretty handwriting that could only be Alyssa's.

maybe don't read this part ;)

So of course I tore it off and read it, and immediately regretted it, as it was literally just written pornography with words like 'flower' and 'manhood'. I sighed, and put the book down, officially giving up on it, and rolled over on my bed to stare out the window. The kids in the room beside me were playing music. The only ones of us who had cellphones were those who had come to the orphanage already owning one, and as far as I knew, my neighbours had not. They had probably taken the portable radio from the storage room that we weren't allowed in without permission.

Now that I had nothing to distract myself with, all the negative feelings seemed to get bigger. My brain was going a thousand miles per hour, with at least five thoughts for once, and it was like nothing I did made it be quiet. No matter how much I tried to push it to the back of my brain I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with me. I couldn't explain it, it was more of a feeling.

And I thought that maybe that feeling had always been there, like I had been born with it or something. But I had always pushed it away, not wanting to deal with it or even think about it.

There was a buzzing in my head, and my nerves were almost vibrating. It was as if my body was on edge, waiting for something to happen. My heart was starting to pound in my ears, and my whole head was throbbing. My skin was tingling, and my breathing became harsher, as I tried to control it. Every inhale was like a wave growing tall, every exhale was the crash again the shore.

There was a kind of whispering in my head. It was too quiet to hear the words, but too loud to be ignored. It was jumbled and disorienting, growing louder until it was as if it was all that existed, like I was in an isolated place, away from the world, where there was no one to help me. All there was, were the whispers that were growing louder by the second, and my breathing that I couldn't focus too hard on, if I focused too hard on it, I would die. I squeezed my eyes closed, breathing heavily as I buried my face in my hands. I could feel myself shaking.