Erased消された

私には、あなたが必要です - i need you

The sunlight that crept through the rickey boards of Keigos vacation home warmed my nose and tickled my skin. I rubbed my face, hearing the birds chirping and the subtle sounds of nature surround me. I groaned, reaching forward and slamming my hand on the empty spot beside me in bed. My hand fell flat, resting on the mattress and making my eyes flutter open. Oh, yeah. A flicker of sadness ran through me as I was reminded that I was alone. I was isolated for the first time since being back from the dead, even before that if you think about it. It's been awhile since I've woken up alone. I pushed up against the bed, my (h/c) hair falling round my face as I let out a deep breath, my eyes still trained on the barren pillow beside me.

'What're you staring at?'

I sat on my knees, pushing my hair back with a yawn. It's been two days and I still feel as lost as I did on the first. I don't know who I am, what I want, what to do. Everything is a jumbled up mess, even when I'm alone in the quiet. Maybe Keigo was wrong, maybe I'm so tangled up I can't even begin to find the ends of my knots.

'You're ridiculous.'

I got out of bed, wearing one of Keigos old tshirts he had lying around, making my way for the kitchen to make some coffee. I know Keigo would say that it's only the morning of day two, that I had minutes to soak in the silence and hours to bask in the solitary. But the strange fact is, I didn't want to be alone anymore. I began searching for mugs through Keigo's cabinets as the coffee started brewing, the sound only bringing back more heartfelt moments.

'I was being polite.'

I felt a gentle smile spread across my lips as I pulled open one of the cabinet doors to reveal some plain looking mugs with sugar and other coffee commodities. I pulled one of the cups out, my eyes fixing on the container of cinnamon resting behind it. I furrowed my brows, my fingers brushing against the label.

"Why is it only you on my mind?" I whispered, a somber feeling residing in my heart as I pulled the container out and looked at it further, "I owe you some kind of apology, don't I?" I mumbled, scrunching my nose up and drawing in a deep breath. I put the cinnamon on the counter beside me, my gaze still lingering on the label that was beginning to peel off. "I-." I paused, realizing I was talking to a fucking bottle of cinnamon, shaking my head with a sigh. I should call you, tears began filling my eyes. It's like I'm wandering in the emptys halls of my soul, searching those barren walls for some kind of sign as to which direction I should take. But there are no signs, no mirrors, no pictures. It's just me, myself, and I in there but for some reason it's you too.

'I will pick up the pieces of you until my hands bleed and I can no longer feel my fingertips.'

"(Y/n)." I half expected it to be you that was standing at that porch door, staring at me through the netting of the screen. In all honesty, I wanted it to be you, because I missed you. But it wasn't. It wasn't you. My eyes widened as they met the man who stared at me through locks of white, a small smile on his face.

"Dabi?" I sniffled, feeling the tears scroll down my cheeks even more, "Dabi!" I cried, running for the door and tearing it open. Once I was closer to him I realized that Dabi wasn't in the best shape I had seen him in, he was worse than the last time we met. His nose was bashed in, droplets of blood falling onto his white tshirt, the parts of his skin that remained pale were doused with shades of purple as if he had just taken a terrible beating. My brows furrowed together, watching him spit more blood onto the patio floor before wiping his lips.

"How's it goin', Smokey?" He smiled kindly, making me grab him by the shirt and yank him into a hug. Why does he always show up when I need him the most? When I need someone in my corner, someone to hold my hand as I venture into the darkest parts of myself.

"I..." I cried, wrapping my arms around his torso, "I..." I couldn't find the words to say. I missed my brother and the last time we spoke, we didn't exactly end on great terms. My face felt hot with tears as I buried my face against his chest, "I..." I wasn't sure if I should apologize, I wasn't sure if I should be angry that he left.

"I know, kid." He mumbled, placing a hand atop my head and ruffling his fingers through my hair, "Listen, I don't got much time." I looked up at him like sniveling child, our eyes meeting once again, a sad kind of color swirling through those blue irises.

"No-."

"Yes, Smokes, now you gotta listen to me, okay?" He whispered under his breath, looking over his shoulder nervously, "I need you to listen to me with all the time I got left." He was begging me, grabbing my face with both his hands, a crazy look in his eye. I was scared. I nodded, sniffling as I did, "You're a smart kid, yeah? Smarter than me, right?" He smiled gently, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears, "Yeah, you are-, you are." I felt my lips tremble as I listened to what Dabi said, "So you're going to know when you are being baited by them, right? And you're not going to be lured in by their bullshit, you're not." He bit his lip, looking up at the ceiling with a deep breath, "Shit, this is harder than I thought-."

"Sp-Sparky?" I cried, my hands reaching up over his, making his head snap back to me, "Don't leave me again." He frowned, shaking his head as his own eyes glossed over with tears.

"I have to, kiddo." His voice broke for a moment, the second it did he leaned down and pressed his lips against the top of my head, "I don't want to but I have to." He said into my hair, my legs going weak as I knew what was coming next, "We will meet again, alright? I promise you, we will." I swallowed hard, feeling him pat my head once more, "Be strong for me, okay Smokes?" I nodded, shutting my eyes as I felt his touch leave me and heard him leave. Why? I stayed like that for a while, my eyes closed tight as I felt the morning sun warm my skin and boil my tears. Why? Once I opened my eyes and confirmed that he had left, I broke into a deeper sob once again. I need him. I made my way back inside, staggering towards the kitchen as I cried like a child, wiping my eyes with the inner of wrists. I swiped my phone off the counter, dialing the number I had known by heart. It rang only once before he answered.

"H-Hello?" I sobbed, covering my mouth in attempt to quiet down, "Y-Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine. Can you just-..." I trailed off, my mind going back to him. If I call him over, am I being fair? Am I being fair to Shota? To Tomura? To myself? I bit my lip, hesitating in my next words, "I-I need you."

"Five minutes, okay? Just stay there, I'll be right there."

"Thank you," I sniffled, "Sho."

"Always."