𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 - 𝘣𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘵𝘰 𝘬.

twenty-three

friday 22:06

words came naturally to you. whatever came to your mind made a coherent sentence 95% of the time. it upset you that three tiny words, 8 letters, were failing to escape your lips, even in private. you could barely say it to the mirror, let alone to bokuto.

how do you even go about this? do you make it a big deal or is it something more casual? this isn't something you practice for and practice makes perfect. you couldn't settle for anything less than perfect. if this went wrong, you'd never forgive yourself.

the thought of yesterday made you worry for the rest of the day. you could've either missed the biggest opportunity of your life or saved yourself from total mortification. you wanted to get this over with, say the words, and move on. it wasn't that simple though. whenever you tried to say it, it just didn't feel right. it just felt like the stars needed to align before you could tell him you loved him.

your day went as usual. wake up, get ready, get on the bus, go to school, leave for the library, walk home with bokuto, and then he leaves. he leaves and a part of you leaves with him. he already took a piece of you, but you wanted to give him your whole heart. as hard as you tried, the stars never moved. it'd get brighter at times, something would sparkle in the sky and everything would feel right, but as you went to say those three words, the sparkle disappeared and everything went back to normal.

you lay on your back, staring deeply into the ceiling of your dark room. there was nothing to see. just black nothingness, like the night sky. bokuto left a bit ago, taking that usual piece of your heart with him. you couldn't describe the feeling you felt when you missed him. good or bad, it just wasn't right. everything felt better when he was there. it was all so much easier.

a spot on the ceiling glowed, turning from black olive to a pale blue. your pillow buzzed under your head as a muffled ringtone played into your ear. you grabbed your phone from beside you, your body not moving. you turned it on, reading the contact name. you swore the room illuminated as you read bokuto's name across your screen. the midnight sky faded back into an evening sunset. your fingers trembled as you went to answer the call. maybe now? maybe now you could this off of your chest.

"hey hey hey!" bokuto's warm voice made its way into your ear.

"hi. did you make it home alright?" the boy hummed in response. it made you happy, knowing he was well, hearing him talk, all of it made your day.

"so, how does tomorrow sound?"

"for what?

"a date." the words made your heart race like it was the first time. your heart beat like there was yet to be a first kiss or a valentine's day gift or a hug and "good morning" every day when you got off of the bus. it felt like you were falling in love with him again.

"i don't think i'm busy," you said, masking your utter joy. for a second the sparkle appeared on the lightbulb in your ceiling fan. just maybe.

"awesome! i've got a ton of ideas, but i'll let you pick in the morning." a sad smile formed along your face. he was always gone too soon. maybe he was moving too fast, or maybe you just couldn't keep up with him. you just wished you could make more time.

"you've been working hard so get some sleep. alright?" bokuto said. sometimes you wished he didn't care so much about you. sleeping would cut this short. losing an hour, an hour and a half, of sleep would be worth it for just any prolonged bit of time with him. more time. that was all you wanted.

"okay," you said under your breath.

"i'll talk to you in the morning, okay? see ya later."

"alright, love you. bye." you hung up, letting out a quiet sigh. you closed your eyes, soaking into your covers. the stillness kept you calm, nothing moved. your eyes opened, meeting the dark room again. the sparkle sat on the lightbulb again. it didn't move or fade when you looked at it. it just twinkled, pulsating in place. you frowned, watching it slowly glisten in the darkness. with just a blink of an eye, tears welled up. the stars had already passed. it already happened. the stars aligned.

you weren't upset. in fact, you were ecstatic. the tears ran down your face as your lips faltered between a smile and a frown. the weight had been lifted off of your shoulders, but only now were you feeling the pain of the heavy burden you were carrying. it hurt, but the only thing saving you was knowing that this pain was in the past. this wasn't a wound you were dealing with anymore.

the words slipped out. you didn't even get to say the first word. just, "love you". maybe that's how it was meant to be. you'd said the first word already, countless times. maybe the last two were all that was necessary. that's all you needed for right now.

"love you". that's all you said.