𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙿𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚂

Eighteen

The next few days following Frigga's funeral, Helena spent alone. Everyone was too caught up in their own grief to notice the guilt eating up at her. One day she decided to chance leaving her room to find the room Frigga had taught her magic in. She was almost there when she ran into the guards. Barlin behaved the worst to her, but he had threatened all the other guards to bother her whenever they crossed her path.

Helena gulped as she saw the two guards making their rounds coming closer. She tried to mentally reassure herself she had every right to be there. Swallowing, she kept walking. One of the guards tripped her and she fell to the floor, hands catching herself on the carpet.

"Watch where you're going, little witch." One man growled while the other watched menacingly.

Helena tried to ignore them and stand back up, but the other man pushed her back down.

"Remember where you belong, Midgardian. You are below us all."

A kick was aimed at her and Helena's eyes began to tear up.

"Is this how guests of the royal family are treated these days?" A voice asked from behind them. For a moment the guards looked scared, but upon realizing the voice belonged to Loki, they relaxed a bit.

"Maybe not below all of us." One guard muttered under his breath, as Loki's eyes narrowed.

Helena stood back up and the guards gave her one last glare before walking off. She looked to Loki.

"Thank you." She said softly, and his gaze moved from the retreating guards backs to her.

"Your magic is more powerful then them, don't forget that- it makes you look weak." Loki said.

"...oh." Helena said, not sure how to respond.

"We start training again today." Loki announced and marched into the room Helena had been seeking out, "It's time for you to show me your skills in person."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Helena said quickly, moving her hands behind her back as he strode forward.

"Nonsense." Loki said, impatiently gesturing for her wrist.

"I think most of the progress I had made is gone again." Helena tried to warn him.

Loki didn't listen and took the cuffs off her wrists. For a moment, nothing happened. Then another wave of sadness hit Helena and her magic sent Loki flying across the room. Helena's eyes widened and she began to move forward before deciding that, that might actually be worse for him. She held her hands behind her back instead.

"Are you alright?" She called from a distance.

"I see what you meant now." Loki grumbled, standing back up, "We will have to start from scratch then."

"Alright." Helena agreed.

"First, close your eyes and picture a calming place. This will be what you envision every time you start to feel your control slip." Loki instructed.

Helena did as he said and he took the opportunity to observe her. She didn't appear extremely remarkable, so what made Thor so interested? Her power?

Helena's eyes opened back up and she looked at Loki happily, having successfully thought of a calming place.

"Now, what place did you choose?" Loki asked, trying to learn more about her.

"Does it matter?" Helena replied, confused.

"It will help the process." He lied

"Okay, um, well I pictured this house, one that I haven't necessarily been to before, but one that is calming. I'm there with my family."

"Your family?" Loki pressed.

"...yes."

"You must miss them."

Helena's face dropped and black tendrils of magic curled around her hands.

"Very much." She whispered.

"So something happened to them." Loki said, not really asking as much as making a statement.

"I don't want to talk about this." Helena said.

"I see now, the pain of loosing your family has been intertwined with your magic." Loki continued, "In order to regain control, you have to move on."

"...what?" Helena asked, voice small.

"There is a time and place for grief, this isn't it. Move on, focus on control." Loki said.

"No." Helena said, "That's not right."

"Who's the teacher?" Loki challenged.

"I'm not forgetting about him. My siblings are the world to me." Helena said firmly.

"Your siblings? And what of parents?"

"I'm tired, I think we should be done for the day." Helena said, turning around and starting for the door, grabbing her wrist cuffs off the table next to it.

Loki waved his hand and the door magically closed. Helena turned back around slowly.

"Please open the door." She said.

"There's another link. Your emotions are too tied to your magic. We need to spectate them."

"I'm trying."

"Not hard enough!" Loki snapped.

Helena flinched and he realized he wouldn't get his answers by scaring her. He sighed. With the wave of his hand the door opened again. Helena looked at him questioningly.

"You're probably right, you should rest. Meet me back here tomorrow after breakfast." Loki said.

"Thank you."

"...Don't be late."

Helena nodded and left the room, wandering back to the door with the blue ribbon marking the room as hers. She walked inside and closed the door behind her, thinking over what Loki had said. She needed to separate her feelings and magic- but how? How could she not feel horrible over knowing that she was at fault for Pietro's death, and Frigga's too?

That thought made her sick so she laid down in her bed and closed her eyes. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she woke up to Thor knocking at her door. Helena answered it and let him inside.

"Helena, Lady Sif was just asking where you were. You haven't been coming down to the training arena to spar." Thor said.

"I know. I was just..." Helena trailed off.

Thor's face softened even more.

"It's alright. I miss her too." He said, "She was a great queen, but even better mother."

"And grandmother." Helena added.

Thor smiled down at her.

"Indeed. Whenever you are ready to return to your lessons, we will be happy to have you- although I'm still concerned about your safety..."

"I'll be fine." Helena reassured him.

Thor laughed at her confidence.

"How was your lesson with Loki?" He asked, and the smile slid off Helena's face.

"I don't know." She answered.

Thor's face darkened.

"Did he give you any trouble?" Thor asked.

"I- um, not really too much, it's just hard for me to do what he says I need to do." Helena said.

"I see. If you feel endangered by my brother at any time, I will make sure to send him back down to the dungeons faster that you can blink twice."

"Please don't." Helena begged, "I still want to get to know him. He may not be perfect, but he's still-... he's still my father."

Thor nodded and asked her a few more questions about how she was holding up before excusing himself. Helena stayed up late that night, unable to sleep. She tossed and turned, but guilt flooded her heart and poisoned her mind. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that she finally managed to drift off into a troubled slumber.