Almost Maybes

Chapter 15

It was written that everything on earth has its own time. Whenever we pray, we want it to be granted right away, and when we think it is taking too long for God to answer our prayers, we become impatient. We want things to happen in our prescribed time. We are always in a hurry to become someone; we often forget to pause and take a break.

We often think there are unanswered prayers, but the truth is every prayer has its answer. We're just blinded by the idea of not getting what we have prayed for. If we get what we asked for, we could witness that miracles do exist. On the other hand, if the prayer was not heard, there was no answer given, we think that God has already forsaken us, which was not true. God answers every prayer, in the best way that He can, and He hears every call, every cry, even the softest whispers. He listens; I know he does.

"Once upon a time, a turtle named Dino became sick. He just began to feel restless and sad. He believed the reason for his sickness was because he lied to his mother, Daisy, about finishing off his food. Without Daisy's knowledge, Dino threw away his food. He couldn't get out of bed. The mother turtle was worried about the condition of his son. Dino didn't want to speak to anyone in his family. His friends went to their house and tried to cheer him up. They gave Dino presents so he could feel better again. However, stubborn Dino won't talk to them. He wanted to be alone; he thought he was going to die soon. He didn't touch any of the delicious food served to him. one day, a fairy turtle appeared in Dino's room, her name was Patty. She promised Dino to cure his sickness in three conditions: 1. Never lie again to anyone 2. Eat healthy and nutritious food 3. He should go see his friends and ask for their forgiveness."

"Teacher, what happened to Dino the turtle?" Jiselle asked, she was one of the students who loves to stand in front of the desk whenever the teacher tells them stories.

Karl asked, his eyes portrayed sadness. "Did he die, teacher?"

Karl didn't want to hear sad stories. Sometimes, he would tear up when I tell them that I need to be gone for a day in class. He wouldn't participate in class recitation when a substitute teacher covered for their homeroom adviser.

"Peacher, does the fairy have pink wings?" Martha, the student who called all her teachers Peacher, innocently inquired. She was also a lover of pink stuff.

The teacher answered their questions one by one.

"Dino didn't die, Karl. Don't feel sad. Dino lived for a very long time, Jiselle. He enjoys playing with his friends and eating healthy food cooked by his mother." she explained. "and yes, Martha. Patty, the fairy turtle has pink wings and a pink wand too."

"What are the moral lessons of Dino's story, kids?" the teacher asked.

The school bell rang, it was time for dismissal. Although the students were eager to participate, the teacher decided to make it a take-home assignment to be discussed at the next meeting.

He was standing outside of the classroom, listening to the kids as they said good-bye to their homeroom teacher, each giving her a hug.

"So, you've coined another story featuring Dino the turtle?" he asked, when the students were finally gone.

"Why, are you impressed?"

"Sort of, if you just gave me a nicer role than being a turtle."

"Let me think about that."

"The kids got their warm hug from you, where's mine?"

"No hugs in public."

Frowning, he had thought of a better idea where he couldn't receive rejection. "Is that so? How about we go on a date?"

It was a wonderful dream. It was the first time I had that kind of dream after a while. It felt so real. The kids, the classroom, I was a teacher. It was surreal. The smiles. The warm hugs. I could still remember the faces of my future students.

I smiled as I stared at the ceiling. Everything around me was black but I found beauty in it. The room was dark, the lights were off, and the moon which could only be my source of light was elsewhere in the world. The place was ghost-quiet. Everyone was sound asleep. The crickets were not singing with the cicadas tonight. The world seemed to take a nap with its inhabitants. I could hear my own breathing. The thoughts in my mind were so loud, it was deafening.

"I dreamt of you. It's been awhile," I whispered under my breath and closed my eyes to doze back to sleep.

I wanted to see him again, to hear his voice, and witness how his laughing black eyes shine whenever he annoys and makes fun of me.

I wanted to be with him once more and I could only do that by dreaming. He left so soon. His prayer was granted. He was given another year with me. It was a year full of fun and happy memories. We got to do stuff that we didn't think we could do. We shared the bed once, but it was his hospital bed. We stayed up until five in the morning just to talk about how good life was and how we got to share good memories together. We sat there in the garden looking up at the stars while dreaming of eternity together. We had pictured the life we could build ten years from now, the number of kids we would like to have, even their names. We talked about the pet he wanted to take care of aside from turtles. He had also pictured a house with a huge library in it, built just for me. He was looking forward to the day where he could buy me tons of books to read. It was satisfying. Being together, thinking of the future we could have, it was all I could ever wish for. The best days of his life were spent just like he wanted it to. Rex was there for me even in his darkest days. I was also there for him, not leaving his side.

We had not had the chance to travel together. We didn't get to do any of our promises together but we were able to add some new things on the list.

What we had was almost. We were happy together but that happiness we shared was not made to last until ever after. Maybe our story was just temporary. Maybe we weren't made to build a lifetime together. Maybe it was just me and my wild imagination who expected for more. I thought everything would fall into its perfect place when I kept on praying for it, for us. Life indeed cannot be controlled. Life happens as it is.

Surely life has ways to surprise everyone. The world could be different from yesterday at daybreak and it continues to change every minute, every day. Change is constant. The world keeps on moving. And I remained stuck in my own accord, not wanting to be changed, not aiming for a change.

I heard the sound again. It's unfamiliar. It's making the walls of my bedroom crack. I listened carefully to familiarize myself with the sound. Trying to find solace in it in the middle of a quiet night. I listened and listened. I waited until a voice whispered in my ear, it's you. It's you crying. I'm crying. It's the sound of my voice weeping. I had forgotten how it sounded. I wanted to scream till my lungs gave out. I learned how to weep silently, to let them think I was okay. The constant wailing at night shuttered me into pieces slowly.

I wanted to stop my heart from beating so I could not feel the pain. I wanted to start healing but didn't want to forget him. I wish I could just stop thinking about the worst days and start living with the good memories of him.

But how could I do that? Every time I close my eyes, escaping this world for a moment, temporarily stopping the time, the memories come alive. They come back alive together with melancholy. They came alive, but he couldn't.

Maybe this was really the end. We started with what if's and maybe's. It concluded with an almost.

I will surely tell my future students the story about Dino.

"I had so many dreams about you and me. Happy endings. Now I know. I am not a princess. This ain't a fairytale."

~