Almost Maybes

Chapter 5

A week had passed since I turned twenty-three. A lot had happened since that day. I wish I could just be twenty-two again so things would go back as it was.

This past week was a fairytale. Everything happened just like a dream. When something good took place, I believed that terrible things would soon get into the picture. Last year had been tough for me, my parents stained their relationship. Our family was an utter wreck. This year, two weeks ago, I turned twenty-three. But pieces didn't seem to fall into its place when I had been given another year to live a fairy tale. I didn't know where to put the blame this time because this time I didn't like what had been happening.

I sat at the dining table as I watched my mother rummage through the kitchen cabinet. "Ivy, can you ask Eli if he's bought baking powder, please. There's nothing in here," she said after checking the cabinet drawers for the nth time.

"I don't think he went out to the grocery shop yesterday. I'm pretty sure he will not do that tomorrow either."

Mom stopped from looking for the missing ingredient. Arms akimbo, she asked, "What made you so sure?" raising an eyebrow.

I rested my chin on hand by the table, and responded. "Well, tomorrow he will stay late in the office. The next day, Mom, he needs to attend a meeting at six in the morning, and after that he has a scheduled out of town trip with some friends."

Wow, I said to myself. How come I knew his schedule? My brother had an overwhelming schedule of events. It had been a norm for him to inform me of his whereabouts, usually he would offer to take me with him. Despite his busy work he could still paint the town red. If I had the chance to do the same, I would have met with my college friends, or instead of going out and having fun, I would just use my time to rest all day. I don't know what to feel anymore. I was tired. I was upset. I was looking for something to fill the gap in my heart, in my life.

"That gives you the opportunity to do grocery shopping. You can ask Rex to accompany you," she suggested.

With downcast eyes, I said. "He's quite busy too."

I made up that excuse. Then I started to play with the displayed fake fruits on the dining table. I don't have any idea if he was really busy until now. We lost connection since the post birthday celebration we had without him. I tried to reach out and talk to him, but he wasn't responding to my messages.

"Is that so? Maybe you can ask Kirsten or Angelo?"

"Mom, why don't you just ask dad? I think he would gladly say yes. You used to do that together, remember?"

I met with dad last Friday, lunch time. It was his way of catching up and a treat for my birthday. Lunch with him would have been so-so, if he hadn't brought up the idea of jumping on the broomstick with another woman. Mom was not yet aware of it, he said. I was against it. I asked him to think things over before making another decision in life. Dad didn't consider my suggestion. I was just his daughter, I couldn't control his life. He had to be serious about leaving my mom and us for another girl. Love between them wasn't sufficient to last for a lifetime. I felt like betraying my mom for tolerating my father's wrongdoings. I should be the one who was working her ass out to get them back together.

She turned her back against me and I heard her heave a deep sigh.

"So, you can both settle what needs to be settled," I added. "Mom, I think it's time to forgive dad, and maybe talk to him a little. Try to convince him to get back home."

I was waiting for her to say something. I could get a glimpse of what her face looked like right now. After a moment, she turned to look at me.

We stared at each other for a minute. I couldn't believe I said that to my mom out of extreme desire to get them back together. What was said pricked my mother's heart. I could see it based on her reaction. I wished to take it back, but who could do that and just pretend it was not heard? No one. I was no superwoman. Once words were said, no one could ever retract it.