Almost Maybes

Chapter 2

How do two people treat each other when they're in an undefined relationship?

I could say that we had been treating each other like a real couple. Rex made it clear that I matter to him, and I felt the same toward him. It was obvious that to each other we were more than friends, and people close to us could also see that. We were both emotionally invested.

There were advantages and disadvantages of the situation we were in. Both of us had not hesitated to take a step forward, but honestly, I was expecting more. He'd not asked me yet to take this mutual understanding to the next level. The feelings were pure, I knew he loved me, but it was not enough to assure me of where I stood in his life. Love was there, trust was built, and we both knew the boundaries of this mutual agreement, but sometimes uncertainty would creep in when I was alone at night and wanted clarity to define our relationship. I was also afraid that one day I would wake and be slapped with the reality that it just didn't work out fine between us. I didn't want this to end. Never.

Someday, I thought to myself. Maybe someday he would ask me that one question I'd been wanting him to ask.

Since that day, I'd been looking forward to that day someday. I'd pictured a someday where I would no longer feel uncertain of my role in his life.

I could still remember some of the things he had shared with me when we talked about us: one of the things he feared, aside from ghosts, was commitment. It was in relation to his last relationship experience. He had a girlfriend when we were in sophomore year. Those were the days when we belonged to the same group of friends, and I hadn't considered him to be my point of interest. When we got along, all we did was tease each other and engage in absurd fights.

Bygones are bygones and recalling his past relationship might cause me to hurt. Why not just relish with what we had now? All I knew about his previous relationship was that his ex-girlfriend had been unfaithful to Rex and left him for someone else. I was not in Rex's shoes, and just thinking about it I knew it hurt him so much. Especially that this girl was his first girlfriend, first love, the first person who captured Rex's heart.

Rex was waiting outside of the building where I work. Every time he did this -- pick me up from my workplace and send me home after -- it felt like he was doing it for the first time. The feeling was the same as day one, like having my favorite ice cream in the scorching summer. From the elevator rides to the moment where I walked out of the building, I was smiling because I knew he was there, waiting for me. It made me feel more special than anyone else.

It brought back the memory of when he first waited for me at school.

"All right. I'm heading home now. Sure. We had talked things over for the group presentation. Yeah. I know. Yeah. I will. Hmm. Yeah. Okay, bye."

He hung up the call. It was the third time my older brother called to check on me. My groupmates and I had to discuss the details for our class presentation next week. Our weekend schedules were conflicted, so we had to stay after class. I checked the time, my phone said it was already past seven in the evening. Now that's a good reason why my brother had worried excessively.

I looked at the way two of my group mates took. Apparently, they had to take a different route. I was left alone in front of the university building, standing by the gate, waiting for a cab and hailing it for a ride. Unfortunately, no cab had been on the road since the time I stood here.

The idea occurred to me now, I should have informed Kuya Ely that there was no one to accompany me home; he could have been here to pick me up. I was staring at my phone, the screen was black, and I'd noticed a dent at the upper right corner of the screen. Where did that come from? I thought.