Lying With Curt

Chapter 11

Timmy Liu McKenzie

"Well," I pause, thinking about how to frame the next thing I want to say. There really isn't another way to ask this, it's complicated enough. "The big question is, c-can. you. kiss. a. guy?" I say each word slowly, making sure Curt hears them clearly over my stutter. I can feel my face getting close to boiling point and I know I'm blushing embarrassingly. "I mean, we can tell people you're gay but," I glance at him for a second. "You aren't really Curt."

You're straight and straight dude's don't kiss guys, especially their best friend.

I internally groan, how did I manage to get myself into this mess? I don't even know what I want Curtis to say; yes or no. If he says Yes, that takes things on a whole other level and he might be bi-curious or just free like that and being free like that isn't that great because I'm not free like that and I don't want to get comfortable stuck in a joke. Whether it's pretend or not, Curtis is going to kiss me. His lips would touch mine and I'd feel every inch of everything I'm not supposed to feel. Now if he's comfortable with it, what if I get way in over my head and start seeing things that aren't there? I'm trying to get rid of my crush/love, I don't want to be stuck in this forever.

And then if he says No; would I be heartbroken, yes. Would my insecurities pop out dancing in my face as they mock me? Of course. Would I feel like the most unluckiest and pathetic bastard to ever exist? Definitely. But I'd live and maybe that would be the slap of reality I need.

But then reality hurts like a bitch and living a lie doesn't hurt like that. Maybe in the long run but I can cross that bridge when I get there, right?

"No, that's not the big question," Curt suddenly says and I finally look at him confused with a raised brow. "The big question is, am I going to be your first kiss?"

I freeze, having not expected that.

After a while of complete silence, Curt shakes his head with a sigh, "Shit, Timmy, I can't take away your first kiss."

I blink at that looking at him. The roots of his hair were a little more brown than the dirty blond of the rest of hair and if you look closely, the tips were more blond. "What if I want you too?" I blunt out.

Curtis shakes his head, "I don't deserve to and you and I know you're a complete romantic. You want your first kiss under the moonlight with Sam Smith playing in the background and butterflies in the air."

I blush at that, he remembered it so accurately.

"I am going to date a lot of girls and kiss a bunch of them when I get older," Ten year old Curt said, smiling to himself. He had just had his first kiss that day and I wasn't nearly about to hear the last of it. He had been talking about it all day and even though I was super tired of hearing it, I liked the way he smiled and his eyes shone when he talked about it, so I let him. Plus it's not as if I have any other interesting thing to talk about.

Edith Zachary had written him a love letter and she said she wanted to kiss him in it. Some of our other friends egged him on and he walked up to her, before he could even say Peanut Butter, she stood on the tip of her toes and pressed her glossed lips to his, taking everybody by surprise. I shuddered just thinking about it and pulled my legs up to myself as if I was feeling cold. We were sitting outside his house on the bench swing they had on the porch.

"You cold?" Curt had asked when I didn't say anything.

"No, I'm just disgusted," I confessed. "Why would you want to kiss a bunch of girls? Their lips look slimy with all that lip gloss on and you'd just be eating it off her face."