Nausea overwhelms my head when I stand up. It takes me a second to make sure I won't black out before I start walking. I need a joint and some water. Withdrawal, I have decided, is the worst thing in the world. I barely process Alan on the couch as I stumble to the sink. When did he get here? Did I let him in? I can't remember.
The cool air is a massive break from the claustrophobic hell inside, and I practically fall into the sad, blue sun-faded beach chair I have on my tiny, sad porch. It's not even a porch, it's more like a really big fire escape but I'll take what I can get. I take a drag of my blunt and squint at the moon. It's so fucking bright my head starts to hurt even more. I wish I could pull a light bulb string to turn it off.
I'm halfway through the joint when Zero comes over. Tall, curly red hair, blue eyes, unchanging. I didn't hear the door open, but then again, the moon is too bright, so I'm not really fit to talk.
"Hey."
"Hey honey, are you ok?" he says, sitting down in the other chair.
I nod slowly, unable to think of something to say. Zero puts his hand to my forehead.
"You're burning up. How long have you been like this?" he says. I shrug, spaced out.
"A week." I guess. I don't keep track of the time anymore. I frown. My blunt's finished.
"Aspect we have to go to the hospital. You look dead," He says my name and I melt a little. "Aspect?" he says again, but he sounds far away. After a while I come around and Zero is waiting patiently, still in his spot.
"Sorry." I mumble, sitting up a little.
"It's okay, I was more worried that you were ok." he laughs a little.
"Sure." I say, still getting my bearings.
"We should do something though," Zero says, serious again. "You need to get help. I love you, and I want you to be okay."
My heart aches and my nose stings.
"I love you too." I reply. Everything feels so heavy. I could give up...
"You should go back to bed." Zero says, standing. I get up with him, but I stand too fast and dizziness crashes into me. I grip one hand on the railing and one hand on Zero.
"I'm not tired." I tell him.
"Aspect-"
"I'm not-"
"- you need sleep please-"
"- I don't need it, I'm fine-"
"for me. Get some sleep for me."
I look up at him for a long time.
"Okay." I concede, going back to open the door.
When I get inside, I turn around to see if he's coming but there's no one there. The fire escape is absent of another human being and it's quiet outside. Was he even...
"Zero?"
---
I wake up in my bedroom. The previous night is a hazy memory and I get up, desperate for a smoke. The nausea, I notice, is gone. For now, at least. It's already 1 in the afternoon and I notice the lame attempts from Alan to clean up my apartment. He's a good kid at heart. He really is. The dining table is still an awful mess, and I search through the barricade of stuff to find my lighter. My hands are still shaking, but I manage to roll a joint that Im satisfied enough with to sit outside on the porch and light. I leave the small bag of weed on the countertop. I'll put it back when I'm done outside. The autumn sun actually feels nice on my face for once, not contrasted and bright like it has been for the past week. A dog barks in the distance and a few cars pass along the street. It's quiet, for once. A train rolls down the rails. For the first time in months, I feel okay.
