Spencer Reid | Criminal Minds | NSFW One-Shots

Clever Hands

Prompt: Elves: [Reader] is a pickpocket who normally can charm their way out of getting caught. [Spencer] gives them a run for their money.

A/N: This is a Fem!Elf!Reader x Spencer Reid fantasy AU one-shot! It was written for the "Halfway to Halloween" event created by @imaginingnthemargins on her discord! The 'type' of elf I used isn't based on any particular movie or fantasy world, so just picture that the elves are sexy and cute, and they exist in the modern world, I guess! I learned a lot about watches (meh) and pickpocketing (which was really fun!) for this too, so that's kinda cool lol

Summary: Elf!Reader becomes obsessed with Spencer and starts stealing his things to try and understand her fascination with him. When Spencer catches her in the act, he makes it known how much he hates her for all that she's taken. Does he really hate her though?

Warnings: stealing/pickpocketing, hatefuck, OOC Spencer, handjob, hair pulling, heavy petting, rough sex, unprotected sex/creampie, degradation, hickeys, biting, mixophilia (watching yourself have sex!)

Word Count: 5.5k

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Humans were such interesting creatures. They were so ditzy. I had never really met one that I liked; they were almost so clueless that it was a waste of my time to even try and engage with them. Even worse, they wore bland, frumpy clothes that hardly flattered their forms, and they worried about their jobs and the economy too much for an enjoyable conversation to happen. We were nothing alike. It made mundane interactions unappealing for the most part.

But even with their faults, they could be fun to look at. Some of them were even kind of cute in their own pitiful way. Their eyes were less sharp, their ears were less sensitive, and they were horrendously unobservant creatures. Too caught up in their own little bubbles to truly see all of the wonderful things the earth had to offer. And they were clumsy. They lacked the soft grace and charisma of the elven, often sticking out like sore thumbs that were too sluggish for their own good.

In short, their faults made them awfully fun to toy with, and it was so easy, too.

You see, I was a pickpocket, and I was pretty damn good at it. It was one of my best skills; something I was known and even sought out for in elven circles. My reputation precedes me, as one would say. Strangers were slightly weary of me, not wanting to let me get too close in the village or linger for too long.

And just as other elves were wary of me, most humans were too.

Our species coexisted in harmony. We each kept to ourselves, occasionally crossing paths and exchanging favours when needed. Because our outer appearances were very different, it was easy for humans to recognize an elf when they saw one. This was an inconvenience for me, considering my skill set, as it was also known to humans that I couldn't really be trusted. However, it was easy enough to distract them, to captivate their attention for a moment, in order to take what I needed.

Elves were ethereal creatures: We had hair as soft as silk, and melodious voices that entranced anyone who listened. Our features were dainty but striking, our clothing was playful, and there was an undeniable charm about us that made humans want to talk to us, even the ones who were wary of me.

So, to put it simply, I'd use our appeal to my advantage and lift things from all kinds of pockets, people's wrists, or bags. Sometimes I'd steal things for collateral: jewellery, gold coins, all kinds of accessories. Other times, I'd steal things for whoever had contacted me.

The ethics of it didn't really concern me. I'd accepted it as a part of who I was. It was how I spent the entirety of my existence. I was good at it, and it was highly satisfying for me, so why worry about it?