the way you'd love her

S I X T E E N

GAGE

I'm a dickhead. Probably the biggest piece of shit on the planet. It was two hours later, as I cringed as I walked into art class. I saw Belle sitting in the corner, picking at her nails in the back. I make my way towards her, and she acknowledges me with a quick look.

"Hey Belle. How's school going so far?"
"Fine."
"How were your other classes?"
"Okay."
"Belle." I sighed.
"Gage." She mimicked me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Dylan sooner. It...it just slipped my mind. Wanna hang out today?" I offered. She leaned back in the chair, crossing her arms and shrugged. Really? All I'm getting is a shrug?

I sighed and started to pay attention to Mrs.Ross, who was rambling on about her grading scale. Apparently, a C in her class is practically a fail. Great, cause that's just what I need for senior year. I notice Belle start drawing on the table with her finger. The way she moved so gracefully, doing even the smallest tasks, amazed me. I turned my head to hers and just started to stare. Even the orange fluorescent lights made her look beautiful. When she made eye contact with me, as if daring me to speak up, I turned my attention back to the front.

I let myself daydream about us for a while. She's always wanted a big family, since she didn't grow up with one. She even wants to stay here, in Capise. I imagined us inheriting my parents house and raising a family there. Two boys and two girls, along with two dogs and one cat. Although I would love nothing more than to have a great big family, Belle is all I really need at the end of the day. I cant imagine my life without her. That's exactly why I needed to stay away from her. I needed to stop thinking about her in a romantic way, because she clearly doesn't reciprocate those feelings. But I would rather have her in my life as a friend than as nothing at all.

"Belle." I whispered.
"What?" She said without looking at me.
"I'm sorry. Seriously, okay? I didn't mean anything bad by it. I promise. And I know I'm a fucking dick for swearing at you. You're the most important girl in the life, Belley. You know I would never do anything to hurt you." I told her, trying my best to stay quiet. I reached for her hand under the table, and she let me take it. I held it, rubbing my thumb in circular motion on top of hers. She sighed lightly, as if she was breaking her wall.
"It's okay, Gager."
"I want to make this up to you. Can we hang out today?" I asked, pained.

Knowing what I have to do is killing me.

"Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we can hang out." She nodded, smiling lightly. I nodded, pleased.