After the Sun Sets (18+)

CHAPTER 19 - Deviance

The silence in the room was deafening. Lora felt the weight of it crush her.

"Jonathan," she said after another beat, her voice steadier than she felt. "Please, say something."

He didn't move. He didn't blink. If she hadn't noticed the increased clenching of his jaw and heard the sickening grinding of his teeth, she would have wondered whether he'd even heard her.

"Fine. I'll talk," she sighed. Because she couldn't take the silence, the throbbing of her heart beating and bruising against her sternum. Because she was exhausted and she wanted this to end. But then she paused, hoping he would stop her, wondering if his gaze, fixed so determinedly on Aiden's drawing, would break.

It didn't break. He didn't stop her. Her shoulders slumped forward as she realised she had to do this on her own.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time," she started. "Not actually about splitting up necessarily, but about our marriage in general and how we can make it work. It's not a spur-of-the-moment thing or a rushed decision and you know this, Jonathan. We're only delaying the inevitable."

She stopped again, giving him the perfect chance to interrupt her, to answer back, but once again, he remained silent. Lora could see the fire in her husband's eyes, flickering, raging behind the familiar blue of his irises. But his lips did not twitch. His head did not turn. And it only infuriated her.

"I know I am as much to blame in this as you," she went on. "I won't try to play the martyr. I could easily tell you I was young and naïve and manipulated into this marriage. You know as well as I do that I wouldn't be lying if I did. But it's also true that I wanted an escape. I needed to get out of my mother's house, away from the gossip and the shame and scandal of Hannah's death. Everyone talked about her like she was a criminal. Like she was a spoiled brat who took her own life without thinking. Like it was an adventure, even.

"I didn't know what to make of it. I remember feeling angry. I remember thinking she should have been braver, more resistant. I hated myself for it and yet, I couldn't help it. I heard my mother cry. I saw my father stare into oblivion, his eyes soulless, devoid of life because he had lost his eldest. She was his favourite, after all."

There was no spite in Lora's words. She had made peace with the fact that everyone preferred her elder sister a long time ago. She was the fun one. The happy one. How ironic was that?

"I needed to get out. I needed to do something useful to redeem her. You would never believe it, but being here, with you and the girls, was the closest thing to normality I could get to at the time. And then you asked me to marry you. Because it was convenient. Because we were only encouraging another scandal, which was the last thing I wanted. And I said yes because it was what we both needed. It was what was best for Jess and Krista. Not because it was the right thing to do. Not because I had any notion of falling in love.

"I made my bed and lay in it, tossing and turning, trying to make it a bit more comfortable. But it never was. And, I don't regret it, Jonathan. I mean, we had some good times... We have two beautiful children. We raised two strong adults who make me proud every day. So, I don't regret it. But we have no reason to stay in this marriage anymore. Except to avoid another scandal and look where that has brought us."

She sounded strong. So strong, in fact, that Lora was surprising even herself. She clasped her hands in her lap, certain that God was with her even though her actions these past weeks were anything but deserving. But Heaven knows she tried. She tried and she failed and there was nothing left to do but do right by herself, her husband and their children. She could no longer pretend to be Jonathan's wife. In reality, they hadn't acted like husband and wife in years. It was about time they faced the music.