Fanfics I'll never write but god I wish I would

"move to LA, solve crimes"

Concept: a Supernatural fanfic that takes place after the Darkness calls her truce or whatever, and Lucifer, instead of being pissed that Chuck ditched like he is in s12, just ditches everything and moves to NYC or LA or Boston or something. He's just kinda trying to live his life at first, maybe kicking some ass when people piss him off but mostly, like, hanging out at bars and strip clubs or whatever because he's kinda done with the whole earth scene (but when the only alternatives are heaven and hell, he'll take earth any day). One day something sh!tty happens and he's peeved at the world in general, so when he sees some street thugs mugging someone, he just yeets them into a wall with his angelic telekinesis or whatever and probably permanently paralyzes them on impact because he kinda overdoes it. The person that was being mugged is super grateful, but he brushes her off with a sarcastic remark because, again, sh!tty day. But then maybe a few days later he sees something else going down and someone getting hurt and he helps them, too, not to be helpful but because he likes hurting people, but this time other people see it and they're fascinated by him. Lucifer gets the fvck out because this is not his scene at all, but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that he actually kinda liked the attention he got for being the hero. And then he snaps a cool costume into existence so no one can recognize him and he has a hell of a lot of fun with it, and he ends up becoming an internet sensation (kinda like Spiderman but, like, magic). One of the people he helps out is Kelly Kline. She's walking to her car in DC after work one night and someone tries to attack her, but Lucifer pops in and saves her. They have sex bc reasons and then he disappears from her life and everything goes "back to normal" for them both.One day Lucifer sees these two dudes dressed in all black trying to mug a cute lil brunette, and he pops down and yeets them into a wall. The woman drops a lighter and bam he's stuck in holy fire, and the two dudes take off their ski masks to reveal the faces of *gasp* Sam and Dean Winchester. It's canon that holy fire can't hold Lucifer forever (*cough* Casifer *cough*) so he realizes he just has to kill time until it flickers out. He could tell by the woman's voice that she's deaf (woah surprise it's Eileen who would've guessed) and he knows he can't speak or they'll recognize his voice, so he communiates through sign lanuage. The hunters admit that they have no idea who tf he is and honestly they weren't even sure he's an angel, but he keeps making headlines for beating the shit out of people and then disappearing and this was the closest they could come to a guess. They keep trying to get answers out of him and they keep failing spectacularly at it.Eventually the holy fire flickers out and Sam, Dean, and Eileen are like 0_0 because how the fuck? Lucifer snaps himself back into normal person clothes and he's like "sup fuckers" and they're like !!! They talk for a few minutes just so Lucifer gets the chance to complain (come on he finally found a way to get his kicks without being a shitty person why the fuck do they want to stop him). They're like "since when do you care about people?" or whatever and he tries to explain that he actually doesn't care about the people he's helping; he just likes beating the shit out of people.There's a big car accident down the alley and Sam runs down to check it out whileDean and Eileen stay with Lucifer to talk. At this point, Lucifer kinda done with thie conversation. He's about to peace out when he looks over at the crash and realizes those are demons, and if demons are here and driving a car, there must be something going on. He teleports over and basically beats the shit out of the demons, completely ignoring the fact that one of the cars is literally on fucking fire because he really just wants to have his fun, right? And Sam is struggling to get the seatbelt of the firey car undone to save the person inside of it, and eventually he just yells at Lucifer to make himself useful for once in his goddamn life and help this poor woman out of the car before she burns to death. At first, Lucifer shoots that down because he's really not here to help people, but then he actually looks in the car and realizes it's Kelly in there. He stops toying with the demons and snaps them out of existence, then rips the seatbelt in two to pull her out of the car. She recognizes him from the last time, and while she's freaking out because holy shit these dudes tried to kill me and then they turned to dust, Lucifer just gives her a big hug until she calms down. Dean makes a sarcastic comment about how Lucifer totally doesn't care about humans, and he doesn't even acknowledge it. It's a minute or two later when he realizes that holy shit, there's another celestial here, and then it takes another minute or two for him to realize the celestial is in her stomach. She doesn't understand the celestial thing at all, but she does tell him that she thinks it's his kid, and bam now Jack can enter the fanfic bc it's what he deserves.