Fanfics I'll never write but god I wish I would

Loki and Kate brotp

OKAY SO this fic is 100% a crack fic and it's also very much an inside joke with a friend but I totally wanna write it one day to surprise him so HERE WE GO Y'ALL (also for me for future reference this conversation was from January 1, 2022 if I do write this and want to looks back at it)

so obviously Jack and Eleanor from Hawkeye break up after she, you know, frames him for murder and all that, so poor wholesome lil Jack is now down a fiancee and a whatever-Armand-was-to-him (I'm too lazy to check) so he's kinda lonely and all he's got is Kate U N T I L one day Frigga gets fed up with Odin being a little shit and she heads down to Midgard and she and Jack absolutely hit it off

Frigga thinks Jack is adorable. He's everything awesome about humans and then some. And obviously she comes from a warrior's realm, so she and Jack bond over swords and shit and become besties and move in together and #Besties4Lyfe or whatever

So then when Kate goes to visit Jack, she meets Frigga, and she pretty much falls in love with her immediately. Frigga basically adopts her then and there, and when Kate eventually brings her bestie (gf? idk) to meet them, Frigga adopts Yelena, too. They're just one big happy family, and they love each other very much, and all's well in the world.

But, obviously, Frigga has two sons (and maybe a daughter still idk maybe she's still alive in Hel and comes back), and that creates a very interesting predicament because Kate thinks Thor is, like, super cool. He's a superhero! And he's a superhero with good branding, too! Does it get any better than that?

But at the same time, she was there when Loki destroyed New York. It was Loki's fight that killed her father. So the idea of ever seeing him up close and in person scares the living shit out of her, and Yelena is inclined to agree (in a less-scared way) if only because she doesn't want to go there if Kate isn't there.

So Loki comes by to visit somewhat frequently. No, I do not know where he is when he's not there. No, I do not know how  he's alive. No, I don't know how Frigga's alive, either. None of this is important. We don't talk about canon or consistency in this household. But Kate always makes a point of calling ahead to see who's home, and if Jack mentions that Loki's around, she refuses to swing by.

But one day she's just super tired and she's had a really long day and Yelena's not around and she just wants to go home and she's a lot closer to Jack's than she is to her apartment so she figures, hey, she'll sleep there for the night.

But then she opens the front door.

And Loki's there.

He and Frigga are just kinda Vibing together on the couch, probably watching Phineas and Ferb or somethin, and Loki's fast asleep with his head on his mom's shoulder and Kate's like 🥺🥺🥺 because yes he's a murderer and all that but LOOK AT HIM HE'S JUST TAKIN A NAPSIE ON THE COUCH WITH HIS MOMMY WATCHING CARTOONS ITS SO WHOLESOME and Frigga just smiles and puts a finger to her lips and Kate smiles and nods once and quietly tells her she's just gonna stay the night

Kate thinks she will be out of there before Loki sees her

Kate is wrong.

Except Loki sees her and he gets all excited and like he doesn't act super excited because he's him but he's very obviously excited to finally meet this girl his mother's always talking about and Kate's like butyoumurderedmydadlikedoyouevenremembernewyork and Loki's like uhhhh yeah no sorry i was, like, super mind controlled at the time but I am very sorry aaaaand idk it won't happen again?

anyways the real bonding comes when Kate texts Yelena to come over and Yelena makes everyone mac n cheese and Loki's never had mac n cheese before he declines and everyone else eats it and then Yelena dumps some hot sauce on it once everyone's done and she's down to the last bowl or so and she offers it to Loki again bc this is his last chance and Loki reluctantly agrees to try some and Kate's like "dude you're gonna hate it like don't listen to her" but Loki tries it and he thinks it's awesome and bam he and Yelena are instant hot sauce besties

whenever Thor finally gets the chance to swing by, a) he's 100% himbo!Thor from Ragnarok like this is not straight-faced 2012 Thor (though I do love 2012 Thor and I would sell my soul to have him back in canon) and he and Jack are both over-enthusiastic fighter nerds so they hit it off really well, and then obviously Kate loves him because he's an Avenger so they hit it off very well, and then Thor finds out that Yelena is Nat's sister so they hit it off really well and everyone hits it off really well and everyone becomes besties  (with that said, Thor does not like hot sauce on his mac n cheese, which Kate considers a personal victory)

So Clint shows up with his kids to visit Kate and Yelena and Jack and make sure everyone's doin great or whatever and the kids are super excited because they get to see Lucky and Fanny again and everyone involved knows he's coming in advance so Kate tells Loki so that maybe Loki will not show up that day but Loki just stares at her and he's like "which one's Clint wtf" and she's like "Hawkeye" and Loki just continues staring at her and he's like "who tf is that" and Kate just whispers "see he's gotta work on his branding"

Anyway Clint and the kids come by and they meet Frigga and idk Thor might be there too and the kids are super excited to see the dogs again so they hang out with the dogs and Clint gets to meet Frigga and they don't necessarily hit it off like they dont become besties yet but they're on pretty good terms

And then she mentions Loki.

And Clint doesn't like that.

But they talk about him briefly and about how he's been coming over somewhat regularly and he hasn't hurt anyone and doesn't have any plans to hurt anyone and they explain the mind control thing and Clint's still super skeptical but he's slowly coming to terms with it -- as long as his kids stay away from him.

But eventually they do meet again and it's super awkward but they get over that and then Clint lets his kids meet Loki too and that goes well and it's all going well and yay there's very little angst in this fic because like duh it's a crack fic so ofc everything goes well

A random event that happens at some point in this fic is that everyone gets together to see Rogers the Musical, and Loki absolutely despises it. He goes backstage during intermission and he finds the guy who plays him and he's like "your costume is hideous here have some real asgardian leather" and then he leaves and the poor dude playing him is like ??? (but he totally wears it in the second act)

And when he comes out, Kate comments on how much better that looks, and actually, she designed a new Hawkeye costume! Maybe she could give them a Hawkeye costume!!! And Clint's like no and his kids are like yeah! so she comes back a few days later with a new Hawkeye costume and that becomes part of the accepted character wardrobe as well