A Few Words ~ Gruvia~

2. Nightmares

                  Gray Fullbuster

The rain is only getting worse.
The shirt that I had  been wearing is already discarded. Heavy raindrops now directly land on my skin with force, as if punishing me.
I shove my hands into the pockets of my black trousers as I walk towards my home, trying to block my every thought , my every sensation. I've been in an emotional turmoil for such a long that at this point I want to feel nothing . I want to be numb.

I can't go back to guild. I don't have the energy , time or patience to answer anybody's questions or deal with Natsu either.

After what felt like an hour , I finally reach my home, successful in my efforts to keep my mind blank throughout the walk back home .

I get rid of my wet clothes, the ones I hadn't already thrown away and change into a comfortable pair of sweatshorts , not bothering to wear a shirt.
The downpour has caused the temperature to drop significantly , but it's yet not cold enough for me to worry about.

I lay down on my bed on by back, facing the ceiling.
Unable to hold it anymore , the barricade that I had put up against my  thoughts and emotions finally breaks , and just like a million  times  before , I find myself thinking about my  parents , my village and Ur . It has become such a routine that I'm not even surprised. And I know it always ends up bad . Nightmares of their deaths continue to haunt me and since the last few months , they've been more recurrent than before.

Wait.
You don't need to think about the past. You're not the same child anymore. You're a Fairy Tail member.
You've friends.
You have Natsu , Erza , Lucy , Juvia , Wendy .....and everyone.

I try to pull myself out of the never ending spiral of such  depressing thoughts . Thinking about Fairy Tail and my friends  always helped , that is, until today morning when I had  a horrible nightmare. Vivid images from the nightmare flash right before my eyes.

The entire city of Magnolia in ruins.
Long and distant cries of pain.
A grievously injured Natsu, limping on his right foot and breathing shallowly , desperately searching through the rubble for Lucy and Happy.
Erza , just as badly hurt , sitting amidst the debris in a rather awkward position , her legs bent in an impossible angle . She didn't move,  as if lost in some other world. Her eyes were fixed on some distant object while tears of blood , deep red in colour, continued to drip down her face.
Carla could be heard from a distance, wailing and begging Wendy to wake up . But Wendy didn't move , she couldn't and would never.
An injured Gray himself was screaming and shedding tears  ,as he held onto a lifeless  Juvia. Her clothes were tattered at several places. Her body and face were covered in big , ugly bruises and wounds several of which were bleeding.

Even a small remembrance of the nightmare is enough to make it hard for me to breath. Why wouldn't it?
It was my friends who were either suffering or dead.
Natsu
Erza
Lucy
Wendy
Juvia

Juvia....I hurt her real bad. Didn't I?
Even though the incident  had  happened in the morning , and I had just returned from Magnolia park,  it felt like a long time had already passed. 

After being woken up by that terrifying nightmare ,I was shaken badly.  I had no wish to visit the guild . I didn't want to sulk around the guild and dampen everyone's mood .If I stayed at home , if not Juvia ,then someone else from the guild would surely come to enquire about my absence.   So I decided to get a day off and visit the Magnolia park to relax my nerves.

I had been in the park for only five minutes when our of nowhere  the downpour started. I initially cursed the rain and thought of going back to guild. But as it continued to rain , I found a strange sense of comfort in it. It felt so homely and so warm.

The nightmare had been long forgotten as I let the rain drench me thoroughly . Strangely , my mind began to wander towards thoughts of  Juvia. I thought of her numerous love  confessions , her never-ending gifts, her gray -cookies and cakes  and her habit to label any female as a love rival. I  smiled unconsciously . If not anything else , Juvia surely managed to amuse and embarass me at the same time.

I recalled Erza's words . She had asked  me to give an answer to Juvia. I had thought about it, but didn't know what to say exactly. Juvia had an unhealthy obsession with me . She couldn't possibly fall in love with me just because I didn't let her die. I would've done it for any other person. So all I did was wait for Juvia's obsession to end , which apparently continues uptil now.

Yeah Juvia was a good friend for sure . She was loyal and helpful. And I liked her just like all my friends .
But romantically ? I had no idea.
She was always open with whatever she felt and honestly , how she expressed it was overwhelming. I wasn't a fan of her continuous stalking either. Those were the feelings I was quite sure of about Juvia. The next moment , I decided that for all the efforts and time that she spent on pursuing me , the least I could do was be honest with her. I would tell whatever I felt I was sure of .

I hadn't realised when I had closed my eyes or when Juvia had seated her next to me until I heard her speak,
" Gray darling?"

For a moment I thought that I was so lost in her thoughts that ended up  imagining her next to me.

" Is something wrong?" . I didn't reply.

" Why are you sitting here all alone in the rain ?" She asked again.
That's when I realised that it was too real to be an imagination and she was actually there.

It didn't take more than a few seconds to figure out that she had been stalking me again. I didn't like her encroaching my personal space . No one would like that. All I wanted was a day just to myself and now Juvia had failed my plans of enjoying solitude.

"Stop stalking me " I said trying my best to not sound angry. I wasn't even angry. I was annoyed and tired. All the questioning that  I had wanted to escape was right in front of me.

She was about to say something , but I didn't let her . That's when I voiced out all that I had been thinking about telling her. I wasn't shouting but it still came out more rude and cold than I wanted it to be.

She looked purely stunned by my words. Her deep blue eyes  were clouded with so many emotions that I couldn't lay a finger on even one of it. 
But I kinda had a feeling what was about to follow next. I did want to comfort her but knowing Juvia , she would definitely misunderstand it for something else. I didn't want to see her cry , especially not because of me , so I thought of the best thing that I could do and left without saying another word.

I said what I wanted to say and I wasn't even lying. Then why do I feel so guilty about it ?
Maybe because I had hurt Juvia.
I can't even guess the extent of her pain since it's already raining outside. Was she crying too?

The more I think about it , the more I regret being a jerk to her. I could've just let things go the way they were. All Juvia did was look out for me . She didn't mean any harm to me or anyone else.

God! Why am I such an idiot?
It isn't  her fault that I'm having nightmares.
Now Juvia is probably never going to talk to me .

The possibility of the latter thought seems highly unlikely but I can't just take her for granted.

Okay, so no matter what happens tomorrow, no matter how mad Juvia is going to be at me , I will apologize to her . I will make it up to her.

After thinking about what I could do for Juvia for a few more minutes, lack of sleep from  previous so many nights finally catches up to me and for once in a very long time , a dreamless sleep embraces me.