A Few Words ~ Gruvia~

7. Love shouldn't hurt

Juvia Lockser

I didn't go to the guild today. Seeing him everyday , trying to ignore him and controlling my urges to be close to him has become really tiring for me.

Juvia can't do this anymore. This has to be worse than death.
Gray is here,so close to Juvia and yet so far.

2 days ago,while returning from the guild to Fairy Hills,I had met Meredy. We couldn't talk at that time since Meredy was in quite a hurry. But she had promised to meet me at ' Starlight Cafe ' in the evening and catch up with everything she missed.
I didn't decline her invitation. I desperately wanted whatever distraction I could get. Moreover,it had been a long time ago when Meredy and I had been able to have a nice long conversation.

So , after spending almost the entire day sulking in my bedroom, here I am , in ' Starlight Cafe',sitting opposite to Meredy with a cup of coffee in infront of each one of us.

" Juvia,the coffee tastes really good. Doesn't it? " Meredy had covered almost her entire face with a dark hood,to conceal her identity for obvious reasons. Though I can't see her face, the excitement in her voice is unmistakable .

" Yes. Juvia agrees." I'm lying. I hadn't taken a single sip of the coffee . Thankfully,Meredy doesn't notice it and continues narrating tales of her recent missions. Turns out that Jellal is also in the city right now.

I tell her about my recent job with Gajeel and also tell her that Natsu and Lucy were in a official relationship now.
I'm beginning to enjoy her company . We're having a real, flowing conversation. It actually feels like a burden has been lifted off my chest, only to be thrown harder onto me.

" And what progress did you and Gray make?" She's got a teasing smile on her face.

No, not again.

Tears threaten to fall from eyes once again and I hate it. I hate his cruel words. I hate the way just at the mention of his name,I end up losing control. But I don't hate him .I can never hate him. I'll always be loving him.

" Juvia , are you alright? Did something happen? Why are you crying?" Meredy is no longer in her seat opposite to me. She's holding me close, letting me cry on her bosom,hiding my face from rest of the public.

When my tears finally dry up, she gets seated again. She doesn't ask me anything but her gaze is questioning.
I simply tell her everything, from start to end just omitting the part where I voluntarily get my magic restricted.

" Listen Juvia, I don't know what's going in Gray's messed up head, but I know that you're just being too hard on yourself."

" Juvia doesn't know what to do.It's like Juvia is lost."

" I know you love Gray and you can't just unlove him. But right now you need to love yourself more. The world doesn't stop if Gray doesn't want you as a romantic partner. You don't live for Gray and his acceptance."

I let her words sink in.

" You have so much more to be happy about . Think of your guild your friends , your magic , you have so much to be be cheerful about.Why do you want to fix your thoughts,your love , your entire wellbeing on someone who can't realise his own feelings?"

She's right, love shouldn't hurt.

" It's just ...just that he means so much to Juvia. Juvia wants him to be happy but realising that I'm nowhere a part of his happiness is so, so tormenting. " I say between sobs.

Meredy mumbles something to herself angrily and I manage to catch just a few words like ' dumbass' , 'long time' and ' confess'.

Our conversation drags on until we notice that's it was already well past 9 p.m . Since there is no celebration of any sort at the guild, almost everyone must have returned to their dorms.

" Juvia , promise me you'll take care of yourself. Everything's going to be alright . You don't need to torture yourself. " were the last words she said to me before taking her leave.

Meredy's words had really helped me calm down. I promised her that I won't be harsh on myself and I had no intention of breaking that promise.

Ever since I returned from the mission , Gray had been trying to talk to me and I was just running away, only delaying our conversation.
But I won't do so anymore.
My mind is made now.
I can't keep running away.

Tomorrow I'll talk to Gray , get whatever closure I need and move on in my life.