Soulmate//Lucius Malfoy x Reader

|9| Soulmate//Lucius Malfoy x Reader

TW: Self harm mentioned.

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After I was received by the two women of the house, I went up to get rid of this dress. I was afraid to be stopped by the twins, but luckily for me they didn't show up yet. When I arrived in Ginny's room, I locked the door and immediately got rid of the dress. I really loved the dress, but I just couldn't wear it anymore. I quickly put on sweatpants and a t-shirt, because I just needed something comfortable at the moment.

When I had done that, I took a deep breath and fell on the bed in relief. For a moment I sat there, until my thoughts became pure chaos again and I needed a place for myself to think about everything. I needed nature, I needed the silence. So I decided to go to the Weasley's garden again. I would rather have gone to my beloved willow, but I didn't want to worry Molly any more, which is why I refrained from returning to my hometown.

I told Molly about my plan.

"But, Y/N, you can always talk to me, you know that?" asked Molly in a worried tone. She was upset that I didn't want to talk to her, but rather went out alone to fall into my thoughts.

"Of course I know that and I am very grateful for that! But I just have to have a moment to myself to be sure what I'm actually thinking and feeling right now. There is just a mess of memories from yesterday's party in my head. That's not something to worry about. I promise you, everything is fine! And I'm just going to the garden. If there's anything, you'll be around and you'll know it right away." I gave her a calming smile and hoped that she could give up her worries.

Molly sighed, but then she nodded and I told her with a glance that everything was fine. Maybe it wasn't all right, but it was better for her to believe that and maybe for me either.

I went straight to the spot where I was sitting when I thought about what Lucius meant with the book he gave me. I lay down and looked up at the passing clouds. Suddenly I felt like I was a child again, cheerful and happy. I looked at the clouds for some time and with a little imagination I saw the most different pictures in them. How much I wish to be a child again, to live carefree and happy, hiding all the negativity of the world and living my own imagination. No need to make decisions and simply be detached from all duties. What I wouldn't do now for being a child again...

I sighed. All the negative thoughts came back to my mind, all the things that caused a pure chaos in my head. Thoughts that robbed my sleep and my last nerve. There were the disadvantages of getting older, of becoming an adult. With time you lose the simple look you had as a child, all decisions become more serious and difficult. And again I was facing the next decision. What was I supposed to do? I had a choice. Either I stay with the Weasleys and try to maintain my facade, which is losing its hold and starting to crumble, or I'll stay with the Malfoys for the rest of the holidays, a family that barely knows me. With a man, who fate made my soulmate, and whose wife he had betrayed with me. The longer I thought about my two options, the less convinced I was.

I've already demanded too much of the Weasleys, I could no longer claim their help.
Besides, I felt incredibly bad about lying to them about Lucius. They slowly realized I was hiding something from them and Fred and George knew about my secret. They knew I lied to the rest of their family, even if they could understand me in that regard. But it bothered me terribly and I knew I had to get out of here before they knew my secret too soon. It was harder and harder for me to be careful and hide my negative thoughts. I loved them all, I really loved them. And that's why I couldn't continue to burden them, I couldn't keep bothering them, take their place and live at their expense. Molly and Arthur would never accept or expect anything in return and that bothered me too. I couldn't deal with so much goodness and kindness. I just didn't deserve this.